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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25297762">Human</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveyaaas/pseuds/fiveyaaas'>fiveyaaas</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Fiveya Soulmate AUs [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Face-Sitting, Falling In Love, Friends With Benefits, Oral Sex, Porn With Plot, Pregnancy, Shower Sex, Smut, Songfic, Unplanned Pregnancy, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Vanya is a little heartless in this but like if you consider her position it makes sense, again technically it’s just because chapters are based off a song, also if you want a happier fic uhhh maybe read little talks instead, five never left, five will die at the end but they will have happy moments, the others are barely mentioned, there’s no happy ending btw but there’s some happy moments in the middle, you don’t have to read little talks to read this they are separate AUs completely</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:48:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>28,614</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25297762</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveyaaas/pseuds/fiveyaaas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Her eyes locked on the umbrella-shaped tattoo on his wrist, and she was filled with the unbearable desire to trace the lines of it, kiss it while she looked up at him. Once, she would have done so without even thinking about it, but that was when they were young and she knew he had no chance of being hurt then. After all, she knew exactly what he would look like the day he died.”</p><p>Alternate universe where when one soulmate touches the other, they get a vision of their death.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Fiveya Soulmate AUs [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1826062</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>128</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. I did my best to notice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello! This fic is second in my series of soulmate AUs for Fiveya. It will be about twenty chapters long unless I decide to change that. It is unrelated completely to “Little Talks” except for the fact that fiveya are soulmates. Chapter titles and the title are taken from the song “Human” by The Killers.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>2019</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five’s apartment was sparsely decorated, completely non descript, and always meticulously clean. It made Vanya’s clothes scattered across the floor of his living room that much more startling of a contrast. His bed was technically much more comfortable, and she </span>
  <em>
    <span>would </span>
  </em>
  <span>use it if not for the fear that he would get the wrong idea. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was not anything other than a release, and he would do well to learn that. Sometimes when she was on top of him, about to reach bliss, she wanted to yell at him to get the stupid expression off his face. Instead, she shut her eyes and imagined the times when they had first done this when she could appreciate the way he looked at her like she was the sun. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His couch was comfortable enough, anyways. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had offered to make coffee or food, as he always did, but she just gave him a look and he carefully sealed his mouth shut, a flash of dismay crossing his eyes that went away so quickly every time that she didn’t know if she saw it or imagined it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He then would offer after she refused a meal or drink if she would like to do anything, and she would just roll her eyes and step out of her clothes. And then they didn’t speak much after that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She focused on the brick walls beside her rather than his face as his eyes screwed shut and he murmured praise to her. If she didn’t look at him, it was easier. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She knew Five was in love with her. It was clear, considering the fact that he hadn’t ended this arrangement in the years that it had been going on. He would have found someone else and they would have not spoken because they barely speak now with it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She wondered if Five actually loved her or if this was a product of the universe forcing them together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanya knew that she loved him, but she also knew that the part of her soul that loved him so fully was completely dead. And each time she looked at him too long, she saw him dead too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five had never tried to say that he had found his soulmate. She appreciated it because if he had, she would have immediately known it was a lie. Five’s side of the bond meant that he could technically live out his days without knowing, though he likely always would feel a pull to her that he might not even entirely understand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If he had been the one to know, he would’ve tried to tell her. Or at least he wouldn’t give her a sham of a relationship, he would treat her with the same focus that he put in everything he did. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As it was, she was the one that knew, and she wished that she wasn’t.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vanya,” he groaned, and she glanced down at him. He has his hands rested on her waist, eyes screwed shut. Before she could stop herself, she lightly touched his cheek, rough from his beard. He made a soft, appreciative noise and moved one of his hands to cover her own where it rested, trapping it there. His other hand moved a little to press against her clit roughly, and she finished almost right on time with him, hand still pressed to his cheek. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fuck, Vanya, I… fuck,” he leaned back, trying to catch his breath, toppling her forward so that she was laying down on top of him. But it felt too close to cuddling, so she untangled his legs from her own and hopped off of him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He went to his bathroom quickly to dispose of the condom and clean up before coming back to her, smile bright as he noticed she hadn’t left like she did many times when he went to clean up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be gone soon, just gotta call for an Uber,” she told him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stay as long as you want,” he said quickly. She knew he meant it too, knew that he had large, plush pillows that he had got after she had said something about needing nicer pillows and him laughing and asking to elaborate on how one even quantified how good a pillow was. His shower had a shelf with the shampoo, conditioner, and body washes she liked, and his kitchen was always stocked with foods she could always easily eat. He did all of this without explanation, and she knew if she pointed out any of the touches he had made around here for her, he would get defensive. She also knew it wasn’t worth the argument. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She remembered suddenly that her shower didn’t have hot water at the moment. “Actually, could I take a shower before I call for the Uber?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” he said. “There are towels on the shelf in there, and I’m pretty sure I have some clothes you left in my room if you want me to grab them.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She knew he was fully aware that he had some clothes for her in his room, not just pretty sure about it. She hadn’t left them either, he just always had everything she could ever need supplied there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The hardest thing was that he was so unbearably </span>
  <em>
    <span>sweet</span>
  </em>
  <span>, even though he was never loud about his kindness. It was matter-of-fact, like he treated everything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And, right now, when she was about to break down already, the small act of tenderness in keeping clothes there for her was too much. She had to shut it down, make it clear why she was here.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should shower with me,” she told him, the sly smile feeling forced even to her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” he said, quietly. Then, hastily, with more force. “Of course. Get the shower ready, I’ll be there in a second, I’m just gonna get some water really quick.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She felt bad, knowing he was upset with this. She was upset too, but at least she knew why she had to do it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And she would never tell him why she was upset, so she gave him the only consolation prize she could give. Her lips carefully found his cheek, and she whispered, “Don’t take too long.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their arrangement barely ever meant kissing. It was rare that it happened, mainly because Five’s eyes would fill with that childlike hope and it was too much. So she would always move her head so he was kissing her neck. If it was purely release-based, it was fine. No kisses of the forehead or cheek, though, which could be mistaken for nothing other than tenderness. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes filled with that hope now, and he said. “On second thought, let’s go now.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t waste any time, choosing to jump them to the shower. She gasped at the feeling, and he glanced over at her quickly, concerned. She just told him to warn her next time, and he nodded as he reached into the shower to switch the hot water on. She admired him as his back was turned to her. Her eyes locked on the umbrella-shaped tattoo on his wrist, and she was filled with the unbearable desire to trace the lines of it, kiss it while she looked up at him. Once, she would have done so without even thinking about it, but that was when they were young and she knew he had no chance of being hurt then. After all, she knew exactly what he would look like the day he died.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Steam swirled around them, and she gratefully stepped inside the shower. She hissed in pleasure at the feeling of the hot water on her skin. The last time she had come to his apartment, she had left without taking a shower, and she had had only cold showers the past six days. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You look inhumanly excited to be having a shower, are you trying out for a fancy conditioner commercial and thought you had to practice the blissed out hair washing face?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She frowned up at his amused expression. “I don’t have hot water at my place,” she mumbled, hoping he didn’t hear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, he did, and he pursed his lip. “I’m assuming you have reported the problem and nobody has gotten back to you about it?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And, yeah, technically, that is exactly what had happened and Five knew that because there were many problems that arose there that usually ended in him fixing the problem for her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t respond, and he looked annoyed on her behalf. “You should find another place, it’s not even a good part of town, Vanya.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If she could, she would, but she wasn’t exactly wealthy. In fact, she was thinking about applying for a third credit card to keep her current apartment. There was no way she could tell Five that though because he did have money. With a doctorate in theoretical physics and a decorated career that allowed for him to pick and choose where he wanted to work rather than they choose him, he would either loan her a bunch of money and try not to let her pay him back or, even worse, he would ask her to move in with him to his apartment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not horrible,” she said weakly. He opened his mouth like he was about to protest, so she did the only thing that she knew would shut him up and pressed her lips to his. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And all arguments were gone, like she knew it would be. She had kissed him, twice, tonight, and she wasn’t going to try to tell him not to hope because she didn’t want to fight right now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So she let him kiss her again, but as he went to kiss her again, she moved his head to her chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His mouth sucked the skin between her shoulder and chest until she was certain that it had bruised. He moved his head down, flattening his tongue against one of her nipples, reaching up to pinch the other. As he created another hickey against her sternum, she knotted her fingers into his soft hair. She felt the trail of kisses he placed leading to the other nipple to give it the same treatment, she inadvertently whined. His head snapped up at the sound, and he would have kissed her again, but she used the hold she had on his head to push him down further, to where he was on his knees, kneeling in front of her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She thought maybe he was perhaps more enthusiastic than usual, fucking her with his tongue and lifting one of her thighs to wrap around his shoulder so he could get a better angle. Maybe her kissing him made him hope again, and he was trying to thank her for giving her a breadcrumb of hope. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His thumb pressed against her clit, and he lapped against her in the same rhythm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“F-five,” she whimpered, and he moved away so that he could look up at her as he pressed his index finger inside of her and </span>
  <em>
    <span>curled. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, fuck, Five!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He smiled up at her, seemingly deciding that he wanted to see her as she came, and he used his fingers to finish her off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her legs shook, and she was pretty certain she would have fallen over if he didn’t have a tight grip on her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He let her catch her breath before standing up and pulling her against him. She could feel his erection against her thigh, and she knew she could use it as an excuse to not try to kiss him again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She sank to her knees before him, looking him in the eyes as she closed her mouth around him. His hands sunk into her hair, and he pushed her a bit to where she had him just a little deeper. What she couldn’t do with her mouth, she made up for with her hands. He murmured her name approvingly, and she preened at the praise he stuttered out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When she swallowed, he praised her even more. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She stood up to face him before telling him to move over so she could wash her hair. As her hands closed over the conditioner on the shelf of products he kept for her, she didn’t have it in her to fight. And so she didn’t.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>1999</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanya actually touched her soulmate before most people ever would, but it was much longer than it should have been given the context. At ten years old, Five and Vanya had never touched, a rule set in place by her father. Vanya was not sure if she had ever been hugged by that point. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first time Five had touched her, it had been when she was still called Seven, and it had been for his training. He was tasked with carrying things along when he did spatial jumps, and, since Number Seven was the ordinary one, she was expected to be taken along as he practiced the first time with another human. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Number Five had glared over at Number Seven, and she wondered if she did something wrong. She tried to shrink from his gaze, but his eyes stayed on her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do not wish to jump with Number Seven,” he had told Reginald. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You will jump with Number Seven if you want to eat tonight.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five had looked annoyed at that, and she wanted to tell him to just do it. There was a flash of blue and then he was right in front of her face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He held out his hand, muttering gruffly, “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I can sneak food if I have to, Seven.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had blinked at him slowly, but she held out her hand anyway. His brows furrowed, but he took it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her breath was taken away and she wanted to snatch her hand away or scream or run as the images came to her head. It was Five she saw staring up at her, though he looked much older than he was now, a beard on his face and wearing clothes that weren’t of the Academy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Vanya, you knew?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>this phantom version had said, sounding betrayed, and it was then that she noticed the blood everywhere. He had been shot. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Words came to her without her saying them, and she felt like she was being possessed by another person. But this person spoke in her voice, albeit sounding much older. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I couldn’t tell you, Five. You have to understand that. And I love you, I swear that’s true.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As she was snapped back to the present, she realized that she and Five were halfway across the expanse of the training room. He had successfully jumped. Reginald had said he had done adequately, and he had smiled at her then, brightly like he was thanking her for getting an acknowledgement of Reginald, the closest thing he would ever get to praise. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was much later when she knew what a soulmate was, that a soulmate would always have a vision of the other’s death upon their first touch or possibly never knowing they had a soulmate until they were already dying, though if they died without the other there, they could possibly never know at all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Right then, she was just reeling at this new piece of information. Because when saw her soulmate die, she knew her name would one day be Vanya. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Up to the platform of surrender</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Vanya struggles from the pressures in her life, and Five tries to comfort her.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>2019</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tears formed, blurring the edges of her vision as she hid in the bathroom after her rehearsal. The conductor hadn’t even said the word </span>
  <em>
    <span>ordinary</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she shouldn’t have taken the words he said to heart except for to improve her playing, but she kept thinking of Reginald as the conductor laid into her about her pitch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It shouldn’t have set her off so much, but it did. It was likely all the extraneous problems going on in her life that really set her off if she was being fair to herself. She was going to have to get the third credit card after all, rent had raised. There were still </span>
  <em>
    <span>so many </span>
  </em>
  <span>problems she had as far as the apartment went- no hot water, cockroaches everywhere, problems with the foundation of the floor. She couldn’t afford the shit she was in. There was also the matter of Allison being in town. Allison had never even told her that she was there, and she felt that pang come that always did when she went unacknowledged by the only people who knew what her childhood looked like. The conductor snapping at her had reminded her just too much of Reginald, and she had run to the restroom right after. She didn’t have anybody that could possibly understand what she was feeling right now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well, she absolutely did, but she would not call him. Five was at work. They were not a couple, she would not call him because she had a bad day. Yes, technically speaking, he was her soulmate. That did not mean she planned on asking for his help. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He </span>
  <em>
    <span>would </span>
  </em>
  <span>be the only person that would understand that she ever talked to. The only person that she had even really spoken to at the house as a kid was Ben, but he was an English professor on the other side of the country, living a quiet life completely distanced from the Umbrella Academy. She hadn’t talked to him in three years, she was pretty sure. Part of her felt guilty for even being upset with Allison for not telling her that she was going to be in town. It’s not like they had that kind of relationship. Allison was just another purchase for Reginald Hargreeves as Vanya had been, and she shouldn’t expect her to care.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before she could stop herself, she texted Five. She reasoned that a text was completely okay since she didn’t call and therefore make the matter urgent. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Are you busy?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There. It was just a simple question, nothing out of the ordinary. He could respond or not, it wouldn’t matter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He did respond, and it did matter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hey. Not busy at all, just have a class in an hour. I can cancel it if you need me, though. It’s the bullshit one they made me teach this year with the freshman, so it wouldn’t be a problem at all. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She frowned at this. Five had taken his teaching position when she had gotten her job at Icarus, and they had had a huge fight because Vanya knew he had taken the position to be near her. He had had multiple Ivy Leagues asking for him to teach with them, ones that would fund his research he did even. He had said that the college was plenty prestigious enough and she was being ridiculous and he could do research just as easily there as anywhere else. She knew that there was no way he could have possibly wanted it though, considering the fact that the school made him do things like the freshmen class he was referring to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t cancel! I’ll be okay! </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She sent it before she could realize the mistake of saying “I’ll be okay”—indicating she wasn’t okay now. Fuck. The next text came ten minutes later.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Just sent the email to the students. Do you want to meet at my apartment or somewhere else?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She sighed. He had already cancelled his class. There was no way she could say it was just about sex, considering she would never message him when he was at work. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Your apartment. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Okay, do you want me to pick up anything on my way back? I could cook too, but I haven’t been to the grocery store in a bit so there’s not a lot there. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were already meeting up without the purpose of having sex, might as well break more boundaries. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can eat whatever is there, but I need alcohol.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She could practically feel his concern radiating from the way the message bubbles kept starting up and then stopping abruptly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Roger that, but wine gives you headaches and makes you cry, so I’m only getting one bottle. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was right, and she didn’t drink much other than that. Five usually went for straight hard liquor or at least mixed drinks, but he got wine if it was them drinking. The fact that he knew exactly how she would react made her a little unsettled though. It felt like something people in relationships did. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was sweet though, and she was the one who bothered him and got him to cancel his class (even if it wasn’t her intention), so she didn’t say anything about it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Heading over there now. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Great. Still have the key or do you need me to jump? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanya bit her lip because she did, and that was also couple-y. She didn’t have anybody’s apartment keys on her keychain except hers and Five’s. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She decided to subtly remind him that this relationship was still just sex, that the talking to each other bit was something they were doing as friends.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Normally people’s favorite booty calls don’t offer to teleport to let them in, they just keep a key hidden somewhere by their door.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He did the type then delete pattern again a few times before responding.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m your favorite booty call? ;) </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Did you just use an emoticon? Is that actually something that just happened? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can use emoticons! I regularly use emojis too to reply to students’ stupid emails. It unnerves them if you send them a thumbs up and nothing else, and they’re too intimidated to send more emails. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If only Reginald knew the threats of emojis, we could have been saved from a lot of emotional abuse.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She thought he wasn’t going to respond, that this was too outside of their regular conversation. They talked about Reginald rarely, an unspoken agreement. Of course, when she went to his apartment tonight, she was going to be talking about Reginald being the reason for being so hurt by the conductor’s comments. If he couldn’t handle that, then surely she shouldn’t be looking to him for comfort. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He did respond, six minutes later. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Please, he’d say emojis are frivolous and unbecoming of the Academy’s image like all emotions!</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She widened her eyes at his text, silent laughter bubbling out of her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She sent him a thumbs up in response before taking an Uber to his apartment. He was in a nice part of town but in a different part of town than the mansion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When she got to his apartment, he was not there yet, so she unlocked the door and let herself inside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was odd to look at his apartment with him not there. She could study him without his knowledge, though she wouldn’t. It felt like a violation of privacy to even see if he ever saved anything to his DVR or if he kept take-out menus in his drawers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five popped into existence behind her, and she screamed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” he flinched. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you do that every time you go home?” she asked, whirling around to face him. Her heart was still pounding. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, yeah, I really only keep keys here for your benefit,” he shrugged. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait, if I didn’t have a key, would you have just jumped me in here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Obviously,” he said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t comment. She had mixed feelings about being included in spatial jumps, considering that they always reminded her of the first time she saw his death. She remembered the scene almost every time he used them, and considering the liberal ways in which he used his powers, she remembered it frequently. There was one time she had said she had to leave before they even had sex when he had jumped them to against one of the walls in his room. She had panicked because he had been holding her up and she was looking down at him like she had in the vision. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, did you want to talk?” he asked after what felt like hours of not speaking but was probably more like ten minutes, opening the bottle of wine and pouring two glasses. His shirt sleeves were pulled up at the forearm, and she saw his jacket draped over one of the kitchen chairs. She looked at the tattoo a few beats too long because he noticed the direction of her gaze and frowned. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you talk to him?” he asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Neither of them really talked to Reginald now. Five talked to Luther occasionally she knew, but he met up Luther away from him. “No, not that,” she said. Her problems suddenly seemed stupid, and she didn’t want to talk about them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Five said, frown becoming even more pronounced. “Well what’s wrong? You never message me when I’m at work.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s stupid,” she said. His face grew more worried, but then his phone started ringing. He glanced down at it then cussed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have to get this,” Five told her. “I think it’s about Klaus.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He answered the phone, answering a few basic questions before saying “yes” every few minutes. Finally, he said, “Alright, tell him to call me when he can.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five was one of the few in contact with all of the others. It suddenly occurred to her that Allison probably had told him she was coming, but she felt awful for the thought. Klaus was going through something horrible, and she was worried about being left out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Was it an overdose?” she asked, biting her lip. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five nodded. “He’ll be fine, don’t worry. I’m more upset that he had been doing okay for a bit there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanya glanced down, feeling horrible about having Five cancel his class to complain about such mundane problems. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think I should go, Five,” she said. “I’m really tired.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was in front of her in an instant, and she wanted to tell him that this was breaking the rules, that they didn’t talk like this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We don’t have to talk,” he said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She let him pick her up, and she expected the couch so she was surprised when he laid her out against the table. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is this okay?” he asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She nodded, and he pulled off his clothes quickly. She stripped down too, and he scooted close enough to her that she could feel him against her. Her hand delicately traced his tattoo, and she felt him twitch. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She glanced up at the movement, and he had the expression he usually had when he thought she wasn’t looking. It was a tender expression, and it confused her so much. Why would he ever love someone that treated him this way? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t want him to look at her that way, so she took her hand off the tattoo and palmed him instead. This was just sex. They had to understand that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He groaned as she moved her hands with the ease of having done this before and knowing what he liked. She had only touched him a little bit before he grabbed her wrist and set her hands on either side of the table. He leaned her back so that she was spread out before him. His mouth found her quickly and she shook as it did. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“F-Five?” she stuttered out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” he asked, pulling his mouth away and replacing it with his finger. She made a soft noise at the sight of his wet mouth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can we go to your room?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was another rule she was about to break, but they hadn’t ended up talking or eating dinner together, so she allowed it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shouldn’t have. She saw the way his eyes lit up as she asked. But she didn’t retract the statement, just let him carry her to his bedroom. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He started to put her in a similar position to the way he had with the table, but she decided that’s not what she wanted. She asked him to lay on his back and explained what she wanted, and he quickly nodded. He laid back and as she crawled over him he grabbed her thighs, and she grabbed onto his head board before she settled against his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first time she had suggested this position a few years back, Five had choked on the coffee he’d been drinking. It wasn’t that they didn’t do more experimental stuff because they experimented a lot, it’s just that Five likely still thought of her as the shy, meek, mousy Number Seven frequently. There was a certain amount of dissonance there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He ate her out, every once in a while lifting her up away from his mouth to breathe. Clutching his headboard, she realized she had only wanted this position because she could use it as an excuse to be using his bed rather than the couch. As she felt herself climaxing, she wanted to take back the suggestion, wanted to take back texting him in the first place.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then he was lifting her off of him and laying her back down on the bed, and she asked him if she could sleep there that night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The happiness in his eyes was a good thing. Plus, she only broke two rules because she didn’t eat or talk to him about her feelings. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He reached into his nightstand, grabbing a condom. Her hands touched him again while he did, and when he was over her again, he sank his teeth into her neck. She gasped. He kissed her gently, apologetic, but it wasn’t that she hurt, it was that she knew there would be a visible mark tomorrow. An acknowledgement on her body that she would see as she brushed her hair in fromt of the mirror of not following the rules she put in place. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t bring herself to care. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pushed inside of her with ease, telling her hungrily in her ear how good she felt, how well she was doing. She opened her eyes to watch him, to cherish the way he looked at her, to let herself feel the love that she knew was just a part of both of them. His eyes were so soft, so gentle, and she couldn’t stop herself as she kissed him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He made a startled little noise as he always did, but she kissed him again and again and again. As his movements started to get a little erratic and they kept breaking away to breathe before kissing again, she reminded herself mentally that this was just sex. It would do her good to know it. When he finished, jerking his thumb against her so that she would follow soon after, she told herself that this meant absolutely nothing. This was just release, nothing more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They ended up ordering dinner instead of him making it, and she rode him while they waited for it to get there. She thought if she fucked him enough, possibly she could excuse breaking that rule. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And when they had eaten dinner and she had felt so fucked out thar she was boneless, and when Five asked, breathless, against her chest what was wrong, she told him everything except the money problems. And Five didn’t tell her it was stupid, just encouraged her that she would get better, that Allison probably had just not been thinking and he could arrange for them all to meet up if she wanted. And when she was still crying and mentioned the money problems, he opened his mouth to offer help but she just shook her head violently and he closed it, blankfaced. He wouldn’t force his help on her if she didn’t want it, but she knew he would likely find excuses to bring her groceries or whatever else, and the guilt would gnaw at her as he did. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They talked for hours, and the sun had set by the time she yawned. He kissed her forehead, rules already having been thrown out the window for tonight, and wrapped his arms around her, cuddling her up to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And when she fell asleep, thinking she had broken almost every rule, that she had talked and eaten dinner with him too, she told herself again that this meant nothing. It’s just that she knew she was lying.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>2000</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five decided after spatial jumping with her to be her friend, something that hadn’t bothered her at the time, just happy to have one. They talked about everything, always choosing to spend their free time together. If Seven cried, he’d ask which of the others had made her sad, and then they wouldn’t try anything for a week or two. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He learned that she liked to read, so he always found her books to read of every genre. One day, he had gotten a book about soulmates tangled into the small stack of books. They had hid in the library that night together while he laughed at the concept of soulmates and realization sparked within her. She had looked at Five while he joked, seeing that he was still young now but he would grow old eventually, and she had quickly grabbed his hand. A blush settled quickly on his face, but he didn’t remove her hand from his own, just laced their fingers together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They kept reading late into the night, and Reginald found them asleep together the next day. As he yelled at them both, Vanya remembered there was one bully that Five couldn’t help her with. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She also couldn’t escape the memory of him dying before her on loop in her head, knowing that it would truly happen and that Five had no idea. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But that was so far away, they still had plenty of time. </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. And sometimes I get nervous when I see an open door</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Vanya starts to hope that she can change what will happen.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>2019</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five was still asleep when she woke up, still curled against her. When they were younger and slept in the same bed, he always would take up three fourths of the blanket and all of the pillows by the time they had woken up. This was still true, but he was curled up so close to her that she still had plenty of the bed. She brushed back his hair from his face, deciding that if she kissed him right now, he wouldn’t wake up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But when she kissed him, he did wake up. And she felt the way he smiled against her mouth, and she felt guilt gnaw at her. She could tell him right now, they could live the rest of his life like the soulmates they saw sometimes always curled up together and Five would roll his eyes about. They could be sappy and in love with one another until he died. She could love him fully for the few years or months he had. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first time his beard had been this length, she told him she hated it and that she wouldn’t let him kiss her with it on his face. He had frowned at her, but he’d shaved it off pretty soon after. She didn’t argue when she saw it anymore because him having a shaved face wasn’t going to save his life. She’d actually heard of soulmates who had tried to change fate, and it always ended in them wasting their short time together trying to fight the universe and fate instead of happily together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And, yes, she was aware that she was wasting her time trying to fight this, no need to psychoanalyze because her therapists already have. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Morning,” he said, moving his lips away, voice raspy from lack of use. “Did you sleep well?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Better than she had in the eight months previous to this and about as good as the last time eight months and three weeks ago when she had slept here last. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Could’ve been worse,” she said. He smiled at that. “You have good pillows,” she commented, a trap for him to be forced to admit that he cared for her more than their arrangement allowed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead, he beamed, telling her, “Yeah, I got the ones you liked when you said something about wanting better pillows for your apartment forever ago.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was supposed to make him uncomfortable, goddammit. She had clearly created a monster by giving him so much hope. A monster with an abhorrently comfortable bed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you have class today?” she asked. Maybe they could fuck all day, and she could leave the second he asked if she wanted food or to watch a movie or something. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He frowned. “It’s Saturday.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait, it is?” Vanya asked, pulling away from him and grabbing her phone, which was dead. “Fuck. Can I borrow your phone?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nodded, grabbing it off his night stand and handing it to her wordlessly. She typed in his passcode, frowning at him as she did because he had somehow made it twenty characters and she wasn’t even entirely certain how. (The frown might have also come from knowing all twenty of the random ass characters because she had used his phone enough before that she had memorized it, and knowing each other’s complicated passwords felt too couple-y.) </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She groaned a few beats later, exiting out of the safari app after she had logged out of her email.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Want to tell me what’s wrong?” he asked</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing,” she said quickly. She had told him her feelings yesterday, and he had been kind and considerate and gentle, and if he did that again she’d feel guilty and confused. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you need a ride somewhere?” he asked. “You didn’t have a rehearsal or concert today, so I thought it was fine for us to sleep in.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ugh. He used “us.” She needed to employ some serious damage control, but she also had to go to her landlord’s office and pray to whoever would listen that she was actually there. Her rent was two weeks behind, meaning that she already had a late fee, but if she waited any longer, then the fee would go up again. The email was from the landlord, talking all about evictions. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five would probably find it really weird if she just started spending every night at his place and acting like it was no big deal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just have to be out soon,” she told him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to get you an Uber?” he asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, I can walk!” she started pulling on her clothes hurriedly, and he rested his hand on her arm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is it so wrong that I want to help you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yes</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” she thought. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Because you taking care of me and being kind right now doesn’t matter because you’ll die within the next decade, and probably sooner rather than later. And I’ll be alone and I can’t handle that, clearly, or else I wouldn’t keep you along as a fuckbuddy to not be.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s fine,” she said out loud. “Just feels like it’s always you helping me and not the other way around.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” he said, nodding like that made a lot of sense. “Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I understand completely. I don’t mind helping you, though, you know? I help the others too a lot. Or well, I help Klaus a lot at least, and the others if they need it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh, so he helped the others too. That made it worse somehow because now she was jealous despite feeling horrible for feeling jealous. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five was the only one of them who bothered keeping contact with everyone. She didn’t entirely understand why he even bothered, but it actually did make her happy sometimes to see that he talked to them because she knew he wasn’t going to be around forever. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her stomach turned, remembering how he wouldn’t live to have grandkids (likely not even kids). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” he asked, and she gripped his arm. She felt like she couldn’t take in enough air and that the world was spinning. She was pretty certain she might pass out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five cussed, setting her down on the bed before popping out of existence. She was crying as he came back a few seconds later with her pills, handing them to her silently with a water bottle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gulping the pill down, Vanya curled into herself, trying to calm down. The bed shifted as Five sat down, wrapping an arm around her and rubbing soothing circles on her back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You need my help,” he told her, in a tone that meant he would not accept if she tried to argue. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Five,” she tried anyway. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Listen, I don’t mind helping you, and I can easily help out. Your apartment is shit, and you can’t even afford it. I’m not going to do </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing </span>
  </em>
  <span>when you clearly need me just because you don’t want the help. And you’re going to have some sort of nervous breakdown and it will stress me out. So, I’m helping.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had to tell him. He couldn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> this, couldn’t take care of her when she had betrayed him over and over by not being honest. If he knew, he’d end this and she’d be alone and maybe she’d be homeless but at least he wouldn’t make her feel like </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The guilt felt like a physical thing, biting against her skin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The vision of him came to her again. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Vanya, you knew?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He had said. He hadn’t known. He couldn’t have known. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then it occurred to her that she </span>
  <em>
    <span>could </span>
  </em>
  <span>change fate. Five was brilliant, he could save himself. He had talked at many points in his life about time travel. If there was a way he could change time, or change it enough to where he didn’t end this way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I ask you something?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He frowned at her. “You’re not going to argue?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you still have your notes about time?” she asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His frown deepened, “Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If someone was trying to change events in time that they knew would happen, could they?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pulled away from her. “Vanya, what is going on?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She turned to him. “Can you help me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nodded, slowly. “Can you tell me what you need help with?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not exactly.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, well, that’ll make it a little harder to teach you, but I can help you, yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She crawled onto his lap, kissing him and not caring because she would change fate. If anybody was able to, it would be Five, and she’d have his help. They could have this, could be together and grow old and be happy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Vanya, you knew?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>The image flashed in her brain again, playing on loop. She wanted to tell that version of him that they would be okay, they would be able to change it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Five,” she whispered, his eyes were so gentle, so loving. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Five.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait,” he said against her lips. He pulled back, but his arm remained wrapped around her. “I need your confirmation that you’re going to let me help in every regard. I know that we have rules here, and that’s fine, but I need to know that you’re going to accept me helping you and I feel that that’s more than fair. If not, I can’t do this, ”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And they could change fate, they had a chance. They had a </span>
  <em>
    <span>chance, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and if Five could be with her and grow old with her, then she would let him be with her in any way he wanted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, that’s fair,” she told him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As his eyes filled with that hope again, she knew that her eyes reflected it too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vanya,” he whispered, and his voice was reverent. And she would accept it now because they could change fate. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Five.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She pulled off Five’s shirt that she had borrowed, kissing his neck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She could feel hesitation from him though. She pulled back, searching his gaze like she could find what was wrong in it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” she asked, thumb brushing against his cheek. His beard prickled the skin of her hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing,” he said. “Vanya, I… no, it’s nothing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She knew what he wanted to say, and so she kissed him. They could say it to one another now, they were free to do that. But she had to regain that trust. She could do it though. She had to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do too,” she whispered, giving him that at least, even if he knew already. She felt him tense against her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes looked dead as he spread her legs against him. As he filled her up and she rocked against him, hands splayed against his chest as he laid back, it was like the hope had left his eyes completely. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vanya,” he whispered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It will be okay,” she told him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He bit his lip and nodded, tears in his eyes. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Vanya.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It will be okay,” she promised. “We’ll be okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then he had flipped them over, pushing into her almost painfully, a frantic edge to his movements. She gasped out, eyes screwed shut, but then he had pressed his thumb against her lip and told her to look at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll be okay,” he said, and they were both crying at this point. And as he spilled into the condom, she had a thought come to her that made absolutely no sense, that maybe, maybe he knew.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>2001</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you think we’ll get caught?” Vanya asked Five. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “No, he’s gone. The tapes will be much easier to tamper with. Plus, well-“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He gestured around them. They were in a closet, technically a blind spot of the cameras in the first place. She had hidden in there for ten minutes before the small space lit blue with Five’s jump. He brought a little lantern-style flashlight and settled it against the floor.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll get in a lot of trouble if he knows,” she said, nervously shifting her feet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We don’t have to, Vanya,” he said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want to,” she said. “Will you tell me if it’s bad though?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nodded, clearing his throat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They stared at each other a few seconds before moving forward at the same exact time and hitting their foreheads against each other.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five cussed, rubbing his forehead. “You okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She nodded, quickly. “Do you still…?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you do?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She nodded again, closing her eyes and tried to pucker her lips like in the romantic stories described, but she didn’t exactly know what puckering.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?” he asked, and she opened her eyes, blush hopefully hidden by the small amount of light.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kiss me,” she told him because that felt easier than explaining that she didn’t know the definition of pucker.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He obliged, and his lips were soft against her own. It was not a long kiss at all, really, just a press of lips for a few seconds. She didn’t move hers because she didn’t know she was supposed to, and Five almost accidentally bit her lip somehow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Was that bad?” he asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think so?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They then both started giggling, and they talked for a little bit, slumped against the door of the closet, hands laced. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Five?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She rested her head on his shoulder. “Don’t die.”</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading! 💕</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Close your eyes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Vanya tries to find a way to change the future she saw.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It has occurred to me that I am pretty sure I have not shared the playlist for this, so here it is</p><p>https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3AUKgaqcMkCzQ7d8tPchui?si=vzbXXJCASuyKinJuxcBS-w</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>2019</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five’s apartment was sparsely decorated, completely non descript, and always meticulously clean. Vanya’s presence inside of it once she moved in after years of examining the light brick walls and sometimes too slippery hardwood floors did relatively nothing to change it. The only major differences were, instead of the stark contrast of her clothes against his floors when she was over, pages of sheet music scattered randomly throughout it. When practicing, she often moved from one place to the other, restless. Five did the same when he worked on equations, but he had the notebooks ordered in an organized manner on a shelf in his room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Years ago, he had written on the walls when he was working, but she had convinced him at one point to splurge for a chalkboard. He had ended up getting multiple, and they were in a smaller room beside his own bedroom. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She sat in front of these chalkboards now, a cup of tea in her hand while she watched Five try to circle something and then underline another. He was trying to explain to her how small instances could affect timelines. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanya was aware Five was in love with her accutely in that instant because if anybody else had asked so many questions that he likely would have said were stupid, he would have snapped and said there was no point in explaining because they would never learn.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was also a distinct possibility that he hadn’t lost his patience because all she was wearing was a pair of his boxers and one of his button downs. She could see his eyes often glance over her nearly bare legs approvingly, and she wondered if it had something to do with the fact that it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>his </span>
  </em>
  <span>clothes she was wearing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It made focusing on this task much harder, regardless.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She set her tea down, resolving that she might never understand theoretical physics and that she was just going to have to tell him about his fact herself, damn the consequences. If she had known that her guilt about keeping it a secret would melt away at learning the difference between a vector and a scalar (okay that was a bad example, she wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>completely </span>
  </em>
  <span>hopeless), she might have asked him to explain this earlier.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They had gone through his old notebooks documenting his notes on time, and each day he would flip through the notes and then let her ask questions and clarify what went completely over her head. Which was, admittedly, most of it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Most of the time, she was the one who ended up distracting him. It was a Sunday, a couple weeks after she had the epiphany that Five and her could fight time, and they had been at this for a few hours. Five was a dutiful teacher, which she figured was probably a good thing, what with him being an actual professor. However, she learned that once she inevitably tired out, it was pretty easy to distract him. Considering that outside of their jobs and the occasional other responsibilities, this was pretty much all they did. Their free time was spent working on this problem, and Five had politely not asked why she wanted to know. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Unbidden, the thought that he could know somehow kept coming back to her. She would try to force the thought away, but why else would he not ask questions? Why else would he have let her keep a phantom of a relationship with him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then, she would try to reason it away by saying that he loved her. He would do anything for her, and frequently did a lot for her. Why would he not help her when she asked? Plus, he would have mentioned it by this point if he had known they were soulmates. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He would, wouldn’t he?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shook the thought away, it wasn’t worth fretting over. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, she needed to distract herself if she could ever possibly get herself to not think about it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Subtly, she spread her legs just a bit, not any amount that would be entirely noticeable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He glanced back, eyes flicking down just a second before meeting her gaze. “Did you have any questions?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Could you explain that again, Dr. Hargreeves?” she pointed vaguely to somewhere he had already circled about nine times at this point. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was about to circle again before a thought occurred to him, and he whirled around. “Did you just call me </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dr. Hargreeves</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It is your title, isn’t it?” she asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He cleared his throat. “As I was saying…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He glanced down, noticing the state of her partially unbuttoned shirt. “Oh, that is a cheap shot. You are killing me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Starting to think you have a student and professor kink, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dr. Hargreeves</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hate you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever wondered why they always say ‘Professor’ in those fantasies and not ‘Doctor’?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wasn’t your goal to seduce away my lesson?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but now I’m curious if the kink sort of slights master’s prepared professors, who are entirely legitimate, by saying they don’t do their job right? Or is it because people tend to think of doctors as physicians and it gets into the whole physician and patient kink, which is just too complex?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I very much hate you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s too bad,” she said, taking off the last button of his shirt and baring her chest. “Does this help you like me more?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re the worst.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If I say ‘please,’ will you stop lecturing and fuck me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think, considering that you have been so atrocious the past few minutes when I have been so patiently explaining this to you, it’ll take a little begging,” he said, and she whimpered. She caught the flash of his teeth as he grinned before turning back to the chalkboard.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Five, please?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe after you actually follow directions and go back to calling me Dr. Hargreeves,” he said, imitating the reasonable voice she had heard him use one day when she had gone to his classroom during one of his lectures. It should not have turned her on as much as it did.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She cleared her throat, crossing her legs together and trying to not let on that this was affecting her. “So you </span>
  <em>
    <span>do </span>
  </em>
  <span>have a teacher and student kink then, huh, Dr. Hargreeves?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>fault you walked around in that skirt and those long socks when we hit puberty.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The plot thickens,” she giggled. “What if I wore that skirt now? Would you fuck me then?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’d actually probably ask why you were wearing the Umbrella Academy uniform when you’re thirty years old.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She frowned. “You’re no fun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re supposed to be learning here! Don’t you remember it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>who asked for my help?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but I’m not wearing a shirt,” she reasoned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t seem like a legitimate argument.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dr. Hargreeves</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I already told you, it’d take a little begging.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I promise I’ll be good if you come over here!” There was a whine to her voice, unfamiliar to her after years of not using it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He seemed to notice it because he was sitting beside her on the loveseat. He had grabbed one of the notebooks with him, and as he pulled her legs over him, he told her, “I’ll just explain a few more things.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please, can we wait until tomorrow?” she asked, and he gently patted her knee. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He went right back to lecturing though, so she cuddled up to his side, pressing her mouth to his neck. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sighed, wrapping an arm around her waist. “Fine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She blinked, not believing him. He just raised his brows, and she crawled onto his lap. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have I told you I very much like it when you wear my clothes?” he told her, running his finger along the seam of the boxers. She made a choked little noise, shaking her head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I especially like it when I hear that little whine in your voice,” he said, flipping them to where she was laying down on the loveseat. It was a move he had probably learned during training, and she felt a little jolt knowing that he had misused that training then. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His lips found her ear, and he told her so softly that only she could ever possibly have heard. “You’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>mine.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She squirmed underneath him, and he pressed his hand down to still her movements. “Here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to listen to me tomorrow and not interrupt again, or else I will stop right now. Are we clear?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” she breathed. He nodded, satisfied, before pulling the boxers off her body, so she lay bare before him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can we go to your room?” she asked. He nodded his assent, and she remembered all the times they had just gone to his couch in the living room. She kissed him softly, wrapping her legs around him as he carried her to the bedroom.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Five,” she said, wanting to know something very much in that instant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Vanya?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How do you know if someone is hiding something from you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And she was pretty certain that he knew what she had kept from him for years as he looked into her eyes and said, “With practice.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>2002</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanya celebrated her thirteenth birthday in the dark, taking two pills and staring blankly ahead of her. Each birthday now was a reminder that there wasn’t an infinite amount more with Five. One day, he would not grow older, and she would be really, truly alone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The light of Five’s jump was the brightest thing that night. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He crawled into her bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll get in trouble,” she whispered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s our birthday,” he told her. “We deserve to be together right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They had gone on some sort of publicity thing that day, talking about the strange circumstances of their births. She hadn’t asked Five to elaborate on the details, and he hadn’t offered to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She curled up to his side, glancing up for confirmation that it was okay. He had nervously wrapped an arm around her shoulder in turn. They had kissed a few times after the first time, and she wondered if they would kiss now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They didn’t.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Vanya started to drift, she asked Five, “How do you tell somebody something they would never want to know?”</span>
</p><p><span><br/></span>“Most of the time, you don’t.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Clear your heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Vanya strongly suspects Five might know.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Officially 25% in now! So excited!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>2019</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanya scrolled through her messages when she finished her rehearsal. One was her pharmacy informing her of her prescription being filled and one was from Allison’s assistant saying that Allison was very sorry she was so busy and couldn’t see her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She started typing a reply to Allison’s assistant, but then she thought better of it. She was well aware that Allison wasn’t going to actually read it, and it was a half-assed attempt at getting Five off her back (which was the only possible reason she could imagine Allison wanting to talk). Her phone vibrated again, and it was a text from Five. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll be at work late. You’re welcome to come by my office, but I have a few things I’ll be working on if you don’t want to.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was rare that Five stayed any longer than usual, and a pang of worry suddenly hit her. She tried to envision the university he worked at, trying to match any of the settings to the one she had seen. Her mind drew blanks, and that settled it for her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m heading there now. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She got an Uber and dinner for them both, getting to him in about an hour. She didn’t want to panic because surely he would’ve been okay.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, she practically ran to his office. He glanced up at her breathless form when she hurried inside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you being chased?” he asked, looking around behind her. It occurred to her that there was no humor in his voice, that this was a perfectly reasonable question to him with how they grew up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” she said, trying to catch her breath. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why the rush?” he asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just got a little nervous, it’s fine.” It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> fine, this was the fifth time this week that she had freaked out and thought Five had been hurt when he was perfectly fine. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She lifted the bag in her hand, hoping to distract the glaringly obvious oddness of her behavior. “I brought food.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He frowned, but he didn’t press, just reached over to set the bag on his desk. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So why did you have to stay late?” she asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looked confused for a few seconds, then he seemed to realize. “Oh, it was this research I had been working on, I finished earlier than I expected and ended up grading papers.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you have a TA do that?” she asked, ignoring the chair in front of his desk and choosing to instead settle in his lap.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, no, they do it wrong,” he groaned, moving her a little bit out of the way so he could see a stack of papers in front of him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that for the freshman class you hate?” she asked, pointing to the papers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He glanced up a few seconds after destroying the paper with some red ink. Poor student. “It’s for one of the upper levels, but there are maybe three in the entire class that have any hope.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She yawned, and he paused again in his corrections. “Did you not get enough sleep last night?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “No, just a super long rehearsal.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to go home and sleep? I’ll be here for a bit longer.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shook her head, but her eyelids were heavy. She blinked a few times in hopes it would wake her up, but she just grew more tired. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the time Five was finishing up with all of his work, Vanya woke up. Five smiled at her, standing up with her still in his arms. “Wanna go home?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She realized what he was about to do, and she shoved her head against his neck and shut her eyes as tight as they would go. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seconds later, they were in his apartment, Vanya mildly nauseous. “How does that not make you sick?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “I got used to it at one point.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She remembered the first time he had jumped with her, and she hastily pulled away from her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You okay?” he asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She quickly searched for other reasons she would be upset, not quite ready to tell him. “Allison’s assistant messaged me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” he nodded. “Don’t worry about it, seriously. She didn’t even meet up with Luther, it’s nothing personal.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her eyebrows raise at this. Statistically speaking, none of the others would have soulmates at the house. Still, there were moments when she thought Allison and Luther might be (and sometimes she suspected Diego and Klaus or Ben and Klaus, but unless people chose to stay with their soulmates and were very obvious about it, most people outside of the bond would never know). “Is he okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five sighed. “I don’t know. I wish he wasn’t still at the academy, it would be easier to keep contact. I just know she didn’t from a short conversation we had.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do they ever…” she trailed off. Did she even want the answer to whether or not any of them asked about her?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do they ever what?” He asked, but she could tell by the cautious edge to his voice what his answer would be. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing,” she said, forcing a smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just because they don’t always show it doesn’t mean they don’t care, Vanya. I think a lot of them try to forget where we came from, and it’s not your fault that they do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Five, do you just keep me around because you think I’m hopeless if I don’t have you to help?” Vanya looked straight ahead. They were talking more seriously now that Vanya had decided to give this a chance, but she tried to hide her insecurities usually.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He snorted, and she moved her gaze to him in shock. “Vanya, I care for all of the others deeply, and I like to make sure they’re okay. But you’ve always meant something to me that is much different than my relationship with them. I like having you around, and I wouldn’t be able to handle it if the others spent as much time with me as you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes softened, and he squeezed her shoulder and leaned down to kiss her. “You’re also not hopeless without me, Vanya. If anything, it’s the other way around, considering you make sure I sleep and eat regularly. I like helping you too, and you’re very independent, which I like, but it is rare that I </span>
  <em>
    <span>can </span>
  </em>
  <span>help you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She wrapped her arms around him, “Thanks. Five, does it ever bother you that you don’t know your soulmate?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He frowned. “Why do you ask?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She thought to her suspicions over the past month, that Five could possibly know. He had never once claimed he even had one, though he did sometimes roll his eyes at the very obvious soulmates they passed in the streets occasionally. Then again, they could be obnoxious about it. He never tried to say that he knew who his soulmate was. The most he had ever said about the matter was when they had been teenagers, and he had said he did not care who his soulmate was because he’d still want to be with her. At the time, she had thought he was saying that because he didn’t want a soulmate. Now, it occurred to her that he could have said that because he was trying to assure her that he cared for her, that he would choose her even if they hadn’t been meant for one another.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just…” she couldn’t say it. She couldn’t tell him. “Do you think your feelings would change if you knew?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “No, I don’t. It hasn’t changed anything for you, I mean.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She stiffened. Five did know that she knew who her soulmate was, just not who. She had yelled the fact at him in a fit of anger once, hoping that he would assume it was someone else and leave her alone. She always just thought Five assumed she had lied and never thought anything of it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, it hasn’t,” she finally said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He kissed her forehead. “It’s fine, Vanya. I know why you’re asking, and you don’t have to worry about it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She opened her mouth, not sure what exactly he was saying because he never outright said he knew. He had to, though, at this point. Five wasn’t stupid, and he wouldn’t say these things vaguely unless he was completely aware that she would get upset. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m a little tired,” she told him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “I have to make a call, go ahead and go to bed and I’ll be there eventually.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t respond, walking to their bedroom with her thoughts buzzing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five came to bed about forty minutes later, and as he settled onto his side of the bed, she moved over to settle on his lap. He took hold of her hips in his hands, and she kissed him slowly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They stripped down quickly, and she sunk down on him after they had gotten on the condom. She settled her hands against his shoulder, making desperate movements against him. He grunted, but neither of them spoke as she rolled her hips roughly. It felt like somehow she was saying goodbye to him, and as the thought came to her, she moved her hips even quicker.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She reached down between them, touching herself to move the process along. Five kept one hand to guide her hip’s movements, but he used the other to guide her hand. They gasped as her orgasm hit her hard minutes later and she clenched against him. He flipped them over and rutted into her, hands digging in just a little rough. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And when they were done, and she lay against his chest, she wondered if this would be the last time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>2003</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanya felt tears splash against her cheek as she hid in the infirmary. If she got caught, she knew she would get in a lot of trouble, but it was worth it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Grace had left Five behind, humming to herself. Everyone else had left after she told them that they had to not crowd him. Likely, it was because Five would get annoyed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had been shot, and Vanya could barely breathe when she had seen Luther carrying him, bleeding, inside. She had been upstairs as he was brought in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She expected him to be unconscious, but when Grace had been gone a few minutes, he coughed. “If you’re coming to check on me, you might as well not hide.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanya hid behind her bangs as she walked to his side. He held out his hand for her, and she gently placed hers over his. “Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be fine, I just need to rest. Also, don’t cry. I don’t have the energy to comfort you.” He seemed too pale, and she tried to force herself not to cry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It didn’t work.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Five, what if you had died?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sighed, “You know I wouldn’t have.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She sniffed, remembering what she had seen. He wouldn’t have died then, it’s true, but he would one day. “You have to be more careful, Five, I need you to always come home.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He gave her a tight smile, squeezing her hand weakly. “I’ll always come home, I promise.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Only when she was pretty certain that he had fallen asleep, did she whisper, “I love you. Please don’t leave me here alone.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Cut the chord</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Vanya decides to tell Five until she finds out about something he had been hiding.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry it took a little longer than usual for an update!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>2019</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanya wondered if every person with a soulmate was calmed by the other’s heartbeat. As Five slept, she rested her head against his chest, listening to the steadiness, the calm. She imagined it would be more assuring to people whose soulmate died of natural causes, which she was aware Five would not. In the vision, it had clearly been a bullet that would kill him. Still, the feeling of his heart beating steadily against her cheek provided her comfort even at the hardest of times. Knowing he was alive was always one of the reasons she chose to stay. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was Sunday, and neither of them had to work. Almost always, Five woke up before her. He struggled to sleep frequently, so he often got up early, making coffee and reading the newspaper or working on an equation. Right in this instant, though, he slept soundly. She brushed the hair against his forehead back, leaning in to gently kiss his cheek before getting up to shower. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With each passing day, she worried it would be his last. She knew it was ridiculous, that Five could easily have another six years, but there was a sinking dread with each day. How much of her life had she wasted trying to not get close to him? Was it a waste now to try to spend their precious time together changing fate?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It couldn’t be. This had to mean something. She wondered if telling him would allow her to fully change the problem. Five had studied time travel, going forward and backwards. What if he could pause time completely, if the world could be entirely still except his heartbeat against her cheek? It would be worth it then, wouldn’t it?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As she showered, she wondered if they could. Five would know the answer, and she should just tell him. Would he want to know? Surely, he would, but then he never seemed to care about ever having a soulmate. Would that change if it was her? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then her heartbeat stuttered, thinking surely he had never known because he had said “Vanya, you knew?” He would die before she tells him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Would he die then, if she told him now?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She stepped out of the shower, wrapping a soft towel around her securely. She walked back to Five’s bedroom, about to grab clothes but saw that he was awake.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hey!” Vanya stumbled to him. He grinned at her as she climbed onto the bed and kissed him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good morning,” he told her, against her mouth. “You could have woken me up, you know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanya shook her head. “I haven’t seen you sleep that well in a while, it was no problem.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five shrugged. “Honestly, I sleep better when you’re here, and since you’ve moved in my sleep has greatly improved. Did you sleep okay though?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had had a nightmare, and she took too long to respond. Five pulled away, gripping her forearms. “You okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” she told him, crawling onto his lap. If she told herself that enough, she would be.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She kissed him, pulling the shirt he slept in off quickly. As she did though, he pulled back again. “You’re sure?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She frowned at him. Why did he have to ask? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Because he cares, </span>
  </em>
  <span>the annoying voice of her conscience told her. She sighed, “It’s something that I’m working on, but I don’t know if it will change.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He furrowed his brows. “You want to talk about it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be distracted by it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He studied her features a second before finding his answer in them, and he tipped his head up so he could kiss her. She sighed in relief against his mouth, grinding against him. They had time, at the very least until Five left the apartment. If she vowed to tell him before he left, it was no big deal. They could have this moment, at the very least. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She slipped her hand inside his boxers, palming him just a little roughly. He groaned against her mouth though, clearly not minding. After she rubbed for a little though, he gently pushed her hand away and laid her down against the bed. She saw him grab a condom quickly from his nightstand, and she pulled the wrapper from his hand. He frowned at her, but opened his mouth in a gasp as she placed it on him and continued her work a little longer before nodding to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead of immediately pushing inside of her, he moved his mouth to her cunt. She gasped as he did, and she could practically feel his smile as he kissed her thigh softly. His tongue went to work then, and she cried out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-you… don’t have to…” she whimpered, rolling her hips against his face even as she said it. “I’m ready.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He just continued moving his mouth against her, making an approving noise as she squeezed her thighs and caged him in. As his tongue moved to her clit, he let a finger pick up the slack. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In a few minutes, she was shaking against him, and he kept going until her orgasm had passed completely. Then, he moved up to her body, and as she was overstimulated from his attention, he pushed inside of her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re killing me,” she said, and he smiled softly before kissing her. He waited until she nodded before moving again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She ran her fingers across all of the scars against his chest, stomach, and arms. He closed his eyes, and she knew that this was something vulnerable to him. He didn’t like people acknowledging them, and this certainly would not have flown with anybody else. As it was, he made a soft noise of appreciation as she ran over a long ago healed bullet wound, remembering the day he had gotten it. It had been the first time she told him she loved him, but she was not sure if he had even heard it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you remember the day you got that one?” she asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He opened his eyes, smirking. She knew he would likely deflect the question; his scars were one of the few things he actually was insecure about. “You generally don’t forget it when you’re shot at, dear.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t comment on his dismissal, knowing he wasn’t doing it to be a jerk but because he didn’t want her to ever worry about him. It was an infuriating quality of his, considering the nature of this bond was that she was</span>
  <em>
    <span> always </span>
  </em>
  <span>worried about him. “I had been so scared that day. Do you ever think if people had known how bad it was they would have gotten us away from him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He paused in his movements. “Is that what's worrying you? Has something happened?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She rolled her hips against him, trying to get him to keep going silently. He obeyed. “I just wonder how different our lives would have been if we had gotten out of there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stroked her cheek with his thumb, and she realized she had tears spilling against it that he was wiping away. “He’s not in our lives anymore, and we won’t let him influence them anymore than he already has.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She asked him then to kiss her, and he obeyed. Their movements sped up, and then he was rutting into her. Her hand stroked his tattoo as he came. With his other hand, he fingered her as he pulled his hips away, making sure she finished too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As he jumped to the restroom to dispose of the condom and grab a washcloth, she settled against his pillows. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She heard her phone ringing, where it was charging in the other room. She walked to a side table by the couch, knocking over a pile of papers as she did.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As she moved to put them back, she saw what was written on it, “The last will and testament of Five Hargreeves.” It didn’t take much more focus to see words proclaiming what to leave to his soulmate, Vanya Hargreeves, upon his death. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, are you…” his voice trailed off, and the papers dropped from her hands, falling again to the floor.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>2004</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five had healed from the bullet completely by the month before the fifteenth birthday, which made sense because it had been so long. Even then, Vanya kept seeing the scar when she tried to close her eyes to go to sleep, kept seeing his ashen skin when she touched him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t take it anymore. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five had just come home from a mission, jumping to her room. He had leaned down to kiss her, and then she pulled abruptly away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Frowning at her, he asked what was wrong.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She started crying. “We can’t do this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His confusion turned to hurt in an instant. “Why not?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have a soulmate,” she told him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So do most people,” he replied, not understanding. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I only want to be with him,” Vanya continued. This was absolutely true, it’s just that he was right next to her and they were together. The problem was that he would not be forever. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, you want to break up?” he said, like the words were a ridiculous question one of the others had asked him during their few academic lessons. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanya didn’t have it in her to say that, though, it’s not what she wanted. “I want to be with him.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re being ridiculous, nobody </span>
  <em>
    <span>has </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be with their soulmate, Vanya.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want to,” she said and that was that. Five left her room in a flash of blue, and she didn’t know if she ever would get what she wanted when the universe had already taken it away.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading, I’ll try to get another update quicker than this one took!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Are we human?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Vanya learns what Five has been hiding.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Now that “Ophelia” is done and I have finished a class, I will try to update this as frequently as possible! “Blinding Lights” will keep updating daily, and other stories might come along as well during this time too! I have some ideas for other projects at the very least!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>2019</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Five, you knew?” Something about the words held at her consciousness. She knew he had said them in the vision she had when she was young, but there was something that she couldn’t quite connect in the words. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But she was too upset to focus on that. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Five glanced down, shame pooling in his eyes. “Yes, I knew.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Something did click, not what she had been originally thinking but it was still vital. “You know it’s you dying, then. Because you wouldn’t have written a will and included me if it wasn’t you. </span>
  <em>
    <span>How </span>
  </em>
  <span>did you know?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Five sighed. “I’ve known since we were pretty young, Vanya. I suspected the first few times we kissed, how you’d look so sad each time after it happened. When I got shot, and you told me you loved me when you thought I was asleep? I figured then how it would happen. And I eventually understood that night you came to me in college, the first time we slept together. I knew you wouldn’t tell me because you did not want to acknowledge it would happen ever. I didn’t realize until you asked me to help you though, that you were trying to </span>
  <em>
    <span>change </span>
  </em>
  <span>me dying.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her sadness shifted to anger. “You let me believe that you could </span>
  <em>
    <span>survive</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Why?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Something flickered against the green of his eyes, and she understood. The anger left just as quickly as it had come, leaving her empty of emotion as it did. “You thought you could.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His jaw clenched. “Vanya, you can’t change something like that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Then why did you?” her voice broke then, and she could feel Five’s resolve break as well. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Because I wanted to change it,” he said, and his voice held no emotion, somehow more telling than if he had yelled. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya didn’t know what she wanted- to hold him, to tell him never to leave this room so that he could never leave her alone. He would still die though. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Five was the person who was supposed to change their fate, but he couldn’t. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And it was with that knowledge, knowing that he didn’t want to know it either that she broke down. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Five grabbed her before she fell to the ground, and then they were both crying in each other’s arms. She wasn’t sure she had seen him cry in decades, but he didn’t even bother wiping them away. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is there any way?” she whispered. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” he said, and she could tell how hard he was trying to sound strong for her. It broke her heart. “That won’t change, Vanya, and I’m really sorry that I had to tell you that. I wish we could have kept this from one another, I really do.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya rested her head against his chest, reeling. “Are you… are you mad at me?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“For a long time, yes.” Vanya glanced down, but Five tipped her head with his finger on her chin, forcing her to look at him. “I’m not mad anymore, it’s not worth it. I just wish that we had been able to be together, truly, for longer. I love you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She stiffened in his arms, and then she started crying even harder because he could say it now. He hadn’t said it in so long because he knew she didn’t want to hear it. He had waited to even say that he loved her because all he wanted was for her to be happy. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A thought came back. “In the vision…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Five nodded for her to continue, shifting to where her back was against his chest and she was leaning against him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You said ‘Vanya, you knew?’  If your knowledge of this changed, and I didn’t die as well at that point, then why could the rest not change as well?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He pondered this a second, and she could see the variables fitting in his head. When he spoke, he sounded uncharacteristically uncertain. “It could be that I referred to something else in the vision, just because you assumed I was talking about soulmates does not necessarily mean that’s what I was referring to. It could also be that I was stating that you knew, not questioning that you knew.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But I said that I couldn’t tell you, that you’d have to understand, and that I loved you,” Vanya argued.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Five shook his head, “It could mean anything, Vanya. And there’s no point in us trying to stop this anymore, I just want to live the short rest of life I have with you and have a chance to be happy, even if it is just for a few days.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya’s last ounce of hope faded out, knowing he was right, and she closed her eyes. Five gently ran his hands through her hair, kissing the top of her head. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I wish I could be here for you always, Vanya, you have to understand that. I would do whatever I could to change this, but it would do nothing except make us both miserable when we could at least have a few happy memories.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya grabbed his wrist, thumbing the tattoo and letting the steadiness of his pulse calm her. “That’s why you are in contact with the others then?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean, just in general caring for them as well, but yes.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I do love you,” she said. “I kind of brushed over that a second ago, but I do. I love you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke, “I’m aware.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She frowned up at him, and he kissed her. “I have loved you since we were young, even if I didn’t say it always. You know it’s because I didn’t want to upset you that I didn’t say it, right?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded. She knew he loved her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Good,” he said. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you sure you don’t want to at least </span>
  <em>
    <span>try </span>
  </em>
  <span>to change it?” Vanya asked him after a few minutes of silence.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He sighed, “I want us to have this last bit of life together, however long it is.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know when exactly it happens,” Vanya told him. “But I’m sure you’ve figured out it’ll happen as you look now.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I did.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you scared of it?” Vanya asked. She always wondered if Five was scared to die.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’ll happen regardless. It’s why I finally got the will, started talking with a lawyer…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A bell rang. “That call you made? It was to the lawyer?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He nodded. “I had to make sure you could live comfortably. I couldn’t leave you alone without knowing you were at least taken care of.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya felt uncomfortable at that. “You didn’t have to…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s fine,” Five immediately told her. “I won’t need it anyways.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya felt her stomach turn, noticed Five squeezing her just a little closer. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What do we do now?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll be happy together until we have to say goodbye.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>2005</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Five and Vanya did not speak for much of the year that followed the decision to separate from one another. Vanya kept wanting to speak to him, but he ignored her, throwing all of the attention he had given her into time travel. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There was one exception, technically, but Vanya did not know if it should even count. The team had been gathered in the library, and she wouldn’t have even been there except Klaus, eyes far away, had told her to sit with them while they talked. She had stiffly sat down with them, looking pointedly to the ground. Even though she knew Five would not want her to be there, she did not want to waste the opportunity to be included. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>If she had looked up, she would have seen him staring. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As always, thank you all for reading! I appreciate the support!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. My sign is vital</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Vanya worries for Five.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’m so sorry how long this update took!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> 2019 </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Five cancelled his classes over the next week, sending a vague email about bereavement to his students. Vanya had rolled her eyes at him as he told her it was technically true, just bereavement in reverse. Vanya went to all of her rehearsals, but otherwise they spent their time together.</p><p> </p><p>She had just gotten out of a rehearsal when she realized she could not find Five, and she panicked. She typed in his number, cursing when it went straight to voicemail.</p><p> </p><p>Her mind flashed to what it inevitably would in this scenario, and then she had to dry swallow a pill before she did something irrational. </p><p> </p><p>Then, an unknown number flashed in front of her, and she picked up. “Please don’t hurt him,” she whispered.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Klaus asked.</p><p> </p><p>She nearly dropped the phone. “<em> Klaus? </em>”</p><p> </p><p>“Five picked me up from rehab, and his phone is dead. He asked me to call you. Also, congrats on the soulmate thing but if Five follows me around in the afterlife and asks about you, I will pretend he’s- ouch, Five! Pay attention to the road!”</p><p> </p><p>“He’s okay?” Vanya asked, finally able to breathe.</p><p> </p><p>The phone made noises that indicated some sort of argument and then Klaus yelping loudly before Five was on the line. “I’m so sorry, Vanya. I remembered I was supposed to pick him up right at the time of your rehearsal by the time my phone was already dead. I hope I didn’t worry you.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I’m just glad you’re okay,” she told him. There was a loud complaint from Klaus saying that he was not okay and if Vanya loved him at all, she would use her soul bond to make Five apologize to Klaus for hitting him. “Did you hit Klaus?”</p><p> </p><p>“I did what was necessary, don’t worry about it.”</p><p> </p><p>Something Klaus had said hit her then though. “Do you think he’d actually be able to speak to you when…” </p><p> </p><p>“When I die? I don’t know, but I do want you to move on even if you <em> can </em>hear me still. We can talk about this later though, I need to pay attention to the road. I’ll be there in about ten minutes, but you’re welcome to take a cab home if you would prefer.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I’ll wait,” she said, biting her lip. She sat down on the bench, drumming her fingers against the side and trying to think of what Five wore this morning and if it corresponded to the vision. </p><p> </p><p>He got there faster than he had estimated, and she hopped into the passenger seat, which made Klaus grumble at being forced to go to the back. She ignored him, grabbing Five’s hand and wanting desperately to lean against him. </p><p> </p><p>Five kept trying to shoot significant glances to Klaus, and she tried to observe the silent conversation they were having.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, Klaus snapped, “No, I haven’t called him about it.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m confused,” Vanya commented. </p><p> </p><p>“Five is interfering in business that isn’t his,” Klaus told her, picking at his fingernails. She tried to catch Five’s eye, but he was looking resolutely at the road now. </p><p> </p><p>“What are you guys not saying out loud?” Vanya asked. </p><p> </p><p>“Go ahead and tell her,” Klaus’s voice held more bitterness than its usual good humor. </p><p> </p><p>“Klaus hasn’t spoken to Ben the entire time he was in rehab.” Five stopped at the light, flicking his gaze over to Klaus again. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, I mean, I haven’t really spoken to Ben in years,” Vanya was confused as to why she was defending Klaus over Five, but Five didn’t look upset at her for it. He did look annoyed with Klaus though. </p><p> </p><p>“Five is bitching about it because Ben is my soulmate,” Klaus announced, and Vanya snapped her gaze back to him. </p><p> </p><p>“Ben’s your <em> what </em>?” Vanya was openly gaping at Klaus. </p><p> </p><p>Klaus rolled his eyes. “At least I told him when I found out.”</p><p> </p><p>“Klaus,” Five snapped. “<em> Enough </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m just saying that you’re quick to defend her even though you’re mad at me for doing the same thing she’s done to you for years. I’m allowed to push him away. At least I don’t try to cling on desperately even when I refuse to be happy.”</p><p> </p><p>Vanya’s stomach sank, and she wanted to be anywhere but in there. Five was staring at the road, inhaling and exhaling sharply. </p><p> </p><p>Vanya opened her mouth, to apologize, but Five shook his head before she could speak. The tension in the car felt awful, but she kept thinking every time she pushed Five away, only for them both still trying to cling to something that they couldn’t have. She had let him <em> suffer </em> just because she didn’t want to feel the pain of losing him if they had been truly together. </p><p> </p><p>It was stupid though. They had been together. She had always loved Five. She had just wasted years of her life trying to suppress it. </p><p> </p><p>Vanya started crying, and Klaus looked like he wanted to apologize but he didn’t. They were trained to be soldiers, not to be emotionally competent, after all. </p><p> </p><p>Five moved a hand from the steering wheel, letting her grasp it as she tried to breathe. She opened his glove box, one of the places she kept a bottle of pills and dry swallowed it without looking at either of the concerned gazes she felt on her.</p><p> </p><p>“I deserved that,” Vanya said finally. </p><p> </p><p>“No, you didn’t,” Five argued. “Klaus is lashing out, and he’s sorry about it.”</p><p> </p><p>Klaus frowned at Five for apologizing for him, saw the anger in his body language and said, “He’s right. I am lashing out, and I am sorry, though I wouldn’t have said that out loud.”</p><p> </p><p>Five rolled his eyes at him, making a sharp turn. </p><p> </p><p>“Why do you push Ben away?” Vanya asked Klaus, confused. “You’ll be able to see him no matter if he’s dead or not.”</p><p> </p><p>Klaus shook his head. “I’d know he’d be dead, Vanya. I almost think it would be worse, knowing that he was right there by my side but that he wouldn’t get to have any fulfillment in the world.”</p><p> </p><p>“But you’d have him,” Vanya countered.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll relay any messages Five gives you,” Klaus offered, though she was aware it was to change the subject. “I really am sorry for saying that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are Allison and Luther soulmates?” She asked, realizing if it was statistically possible for both Five and herself and then Klaus and Ben, why not add Allison and Luther?</p><p> </p><p>Five and Klaus both snorted, not answering her question until Five said, “They’re somehow more of trainwrecks than the three of us combined, actually.”</p><p> </p><p>“How long have you known Five and I were soulmates?” Vanya asked, suddenly realizing based on what Klaus has said that he would have probably known for a while.</p><p> </p><p>“Five got super drunk and cried about it once,” Klaus informed her, smirking. Five was glaring at the cars in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>“Five cried about me being his soulmate?” </p><p> </p><p>“I think he cried about how you guys couldn’t be together or something, and then he threw up everywhere. It was gross.”</p><p> </p><p>Vanya frowned at Five. </p><p> </p><p>“You should have told me you knew,” she commented. </p><p> </p><p>Five flicked his green eyes to her just a second. “It wouldn’t have changed anything if I had, I don’t think.”</p><p> </p><p>She wasn’t sure if that was true, but she didn’t argue.</p><p> </p><p>Klaus apparently had spent much of this time pestering Five about getting “breakfast” which made little sense for 7PM but Five eventually stopped at a little diner and let Klaus run inside. </p><p> </p><p>With Klaus distracted and them alone, Five told her, “You know I’m not mad at you for any of this anymore, right, Vanya?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” she said, but she was still guilty nonetheless. </p><p> </p><p>“You gave me what you could,” Five told her gently. “And we’re happy now. We shouldn’t let the fact that we wasted so many years being unhappy continue to bring us down.”</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, saying we wasted so many years isn’t helping,” Vanya argued. </p><p> </p><p>Five’s lips curled into a smirk. “It wasn’t completely wasted. At least we had sex.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re an idiot.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t believe that I have to hear my good name slandered this way.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t even have a name.”</p><p> </p><p>Five laughed out loud, and the sound might’ve been better than anything Vanya had ever heard in her life. She crawled over until she was resting against his lap, already kissing him. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, no, I’m not missing breakfast for you two to dry hump in a parking lot.”</p><p> </p><p>Vanya frowned up at Klaus, only moving her head to look at him. He raised his brows at her. Five openly glowered at Klaus. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, come on, you guys can’t wait the length of eating a meal? Really?” </p><p> </p><p>“We just got together,” Vanya said. </p><p> </p><p>“You guys have practically been married for twenty years.”</p><p> </p><p>“That would imply we were married when we were nine.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, fine. Ten years. Still, you guys have been going at it like bunnies for years now, so you can hold yourself together for the length of a meal. I hope.”</p><p> </p><p>Vanya climbed off of Five, taking a page out of Five’s book and glowering at Klaus. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes, yes, you’re both frightening, whatever,” Klaus said, unfazed and marching off in the direction of the diner. Five blinked them to the door, blocking Klaus’s entrance.</p><p> </p><p>“What now?” Klaus groaned.</p><p> </p><p>“Call Ben later,” Five told him before going inside. </p><p> </p><p>“So bitchy, your soulmate,” Klaus commented to Vanya.</p><p><br/>“Call Ben,” Vanya replied.  </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> 2006  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Five and Vanya had been close for years before she had told him that she didn’t want to be together. She didn’t realize she had closed the door on their friendship when they did. At the very least, he did not bother to try making friends to replace her. They were not necessarily openly hostile, but they barely spoke. Vanya found herself staring at him each night until he would glance over at her and their eyes would meet for less than a second before she looked somewhere else. </p><p> </p><p>Vanya and Five had barely spoken longer than sentences since she asked him to break up what they had had. This silence stopped when the leaves started falling in the November air. Vanya had been staring at the trees, wanting to run outside and feel the crisp air, but she was supposed to be practicing violin technically. Allison had rumored her to stop, and she couldn’t move her limbs to even touch the instrument. She had chosen to stare out the window instead, hoping that Allison would reverse the rumor soon so she didn’t get caught not following her studies. </p><p> </p><p>Five appeared beside her, and she yelped. </p><p> </p><p>“Sorry,” he grimaced. “Force of habit.”</p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing here?” she asked. </p><p> </p><p>Five’s eyes went wild then, and before she knew what was happening, he moved his lips to her own. Startled, she opened her mouth, and his tongue pressed inside. She pulled away. </p><p> </p><p>“Five,” she warned. </p><p> </p><p>“Vanya,” he pleaded. “I’m tired of this. Please let things go back to what they were. Please.”</p><p> </p><p>His eyes held the same pain that she had seen on his older body, and, in that second, she couldn’t deny him. Instead, she kissed him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. My hands are cold</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I am so sorry for how long I took to update this! My goal is to have this done before Fiveya week, but I absolutely will not make any promises. Thank you so much to everyone who waited patiently, and I hope you all enjoy this update!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>2019</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five was explaining his will the next afternoon to Klaus, who had taken residence in the apartment. Vanya was pretty sure that Five was only being so kind about it all because he knew he was about to die. They’d talked a long time after Klaus had fallen asleep on their couch last night, about using Klaus’s powers for communication after he died, and she couldn’t fathom why he was so insistent she didn’t. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well, she did understand, really. He wanted her to move on after he was gone. She wanted to tell him that she </span>
  <em>
    <span>couldn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>do that, but she also knew that that would upset him. Saying that out loud would destroy him with guilt, guilt that would come from something he truly could not control at all. Vanya comforted herself with the knowledge, instead, that he would likely change his mind on this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Klaus could clearly sense the argument that they had, and he kept frowning at the two of them. Vanya wanted nothing more than for Five to go away for a second so she could beg Klaus, but he would likely tell Five. It would only make it all worse. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do the others know about this?” Vanya asked. “Should we tell them?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A few of them do,” Klaus said, evasive.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Does Ben?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He inhaled sharply. “Yes, he knows.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want everyone to be together one last time,” Five announced. Vanya and Klaus both frowned at him. “And none of you are allowed to argue because I </span>
  <em>
    <span>will</span>
  </em>
  <span> use the death card. I will get one week out of all of you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Like a family vacation?” Klaus asked, wrinkling his nose. “I’m pretty sure that the world would end if we were forced to pile together in a Subaru and play the license plate game.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five rolled his eyes. “Not that that is my plan, but you guys aren’t the ones about to die. Well, okay, Ben might be, but he would agree with me. I have some things I want to tell you all before I’m gone, and it could happen any day now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You going to confess you had sex dreams about me, Five?” Klaus snarked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I imagine Ben would be more my type, actually.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why would you say something like that when you’re practically on your deathbed?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“To vex you. Did it work?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanya grabbed his arm, and he turned his attention to her, raising a brow. Her mouth opened, but the guilt struck and she closed it. He figured it out, anyways.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She could sense Klaus watching the microexpressions on their face as they engaged in another (much more hushed) argument. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She wanted this time to be the best it possibly could be for him, but she also had not interacted with some of the others in years for a reason. There was immense guilt in the fact that she would even think of herself right then, but, still, the feelings were there. Part of her wished they would just go away, that she could just stifle these down with her pills, but part of her was feeling her anger start to rise. No, it wasn’t really even directed at him, but he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>there, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and it wasn’t like she could yell at the world for daring to kill him off, for daring to give her a warning about it when she was only ten years old. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It did nothing to waste the short time they had left, but she was bitter and upset and wanted to lash out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She glanced over to where Klaus had been standing at one point, but she realized he was gone. Suddenly, all she could feel was shame, for pushing another person away. Vanya had pushed Five away for so many years, and, now, she was wasting the time they </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>have. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Klaus had left a note before he left, which confused her, considering she had not even noticed him leaving or that it was now somehow nighttime. He explained shortly that he would talk to Ben and Diego, and that he would also prefer to sleep on a park bench than interact with them “bickering like a too-attractive, old, married couple.” Five sighed at the note, and Vanya apologized quickly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I understand why you don’t want to see them,” Five admitted, lifting her up. She closed her legs around his waist, holding onto him securely as he carried her to bed. “I really do, but that’s part of what I want to change. I don’t want you to be alone, at all, and I know that if this doesn’t change, you will be.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you dying will change the way they feel about me,” Vanya told him, pressing her forehead to his shoulder as she did, so that she wouldn’t have to look at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He laid her down on the bed, caging her underneath him, holding himself up by his elbows above her. “I want to at least </span>
  <em>
    <span>try.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why do you bother being kind to me?” Vanya blurted. “When I’ve done nothing but-“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vanya, I’ve loved you for a really long time, and you have brought plenty to my life. Don’t think for a second that I am being kind to you out of obligation. I want you to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy-“</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because the universe said you had to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He blinked, face stunned at her words for only a few moments before he said, “I could not possibly tell you if that’s true, Vanya. But trust me, there have been moments in our lives where I was plenty able to avoid you or be an ass or think unkindly of you, so I don’t think that’s true at all.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Besides that,” FIve said, starting to press kisses along her throat. “There is absolutely no reason to be thinking of that or debating on that. Even if the only reason I cared about you was because the universe forced me to, which it </span>
  <em>
    <span>isn’t, </span>
  </em>
  <span>we do not need to waste time on it either way. We’re only going to be able to do this a little bit longer, V.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tore her shirt off of her, pressing open-mouthed kisses to her stomach and chest. “You really want to waste time that could be spent doing </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>for an existential crisis? You’ll have plenty of time to ponder the implications and meanings behind being destined for somebody else when I’m gone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She sucked in a breath, but he kept pressing his mouth to her, starting to suck hickeys into her skin, like he was trying to mark her as his forever. He nipped her skin, biting down enough that she would absolutely have a mark there tomorrow, and, at her gasp, he smirked against her skin. His hands found her jeans, tugging them neatly off her body and tossing them to the floor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You really want to spend time doing </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> when you could be doing </span>
  <em>
    <span>this?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Five repeated, and she realized that he seriously wanted her to answer the question. The frantic look in his eyes took her off-guard, made her heart start fluttering against her chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I would rather this,” Vanya answered, watching him eye the growing dampness against her panties. He smirked again, apparently satisfied with her answer, looping his fingers through the fabric and tugging them off. He reached up to tweak her nipple as his mouth found her cunt. She often wondered if he had some sort of fascination with eating her out, which she certainly did not argue with, but there were times when he would go down on her for hours and hours and hours until eventually she had to beg him to stop. Maybe the fascination, then, was how she </span>
  <em>
    <span>reacted. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her legs caged him in, keeping him from stopping his task, though she doubted he would have if she hadn’t. He lapped up her cum enthusiastically, moving his hand from her breast to rest close around her thigh. She moaned for him, reaching down a hand to run through his hair, tugging the strands lightly. He moved his head just a few seconds to lightly nip her thigh before going back to work. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe it was the fact that she was a little tired, or maybe it was the fact that she was a little emotional, or maybe it was that she was more upset than she thought at that moment. Whatever it was, when she whispered, “I’m going to miss this, Five” he tensed up, not stopping but his body coiling up like a spring. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Vanya murmured, guilty that she had said it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pulled away from her with a gasp, climbing to where he was on top of her, pressing his forehead to her own. “Do you want to talk about this, V? We can talk about this if you need to. I’m here for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But you soon won’t be. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soon as she had the thought, her stomach sank, feeling like she had betrayed him somehow. There was nothing that Five could do to stop this, and it wasn’t his fault that the universe was cruel. She should be glad, really, that the universe put her with anybody at-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wish there was a way to change this,” Five said quietly. “I wish there was a way to where I could stay with you forever. At the very least, I wish we could grow old together, have a </span>
  <em>
    <span>life </span>
  </em>
  <span>together. I’ve wanted that for as long as I have been able to remember, and I know that maybe part of it is just the fact that I am your soulmate. I don’t care though because all I want is for us to have a </span>
  <em>
    <span>chance </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be happy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hearing him speak so candidly, with so much remorse, she felt the resentment towards the universe fade. Instead, she just felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>sad, </span>
  </em>
  <span>torn up with the knowledge that they would never have a real life together, that she had forfeited the little sliver they did have. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We still have a little bit of time,” Vanya said weakly. “Still have a bit of time to make good mem-“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, and right when I have a chance to make you have some semblance of happiness, I’ll be dead,” Five interjected, like he couldn’t handle her trying to reassure him. “I should have never let you know I knew-“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She cut him off this time, “If I had never known, we wouldn’t have had the chance to be okay now. We don’t have much longer, but I want the short time we have together to mean something, okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He opened his mouth like he wanted to argue, but he must have sensed the near-frantic edge to her gaze because his lips closed into a thin line. After a few moments of silence, he nodded, looking pained. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their lips were on each other moments later, and she fell to the mattress, staring up at him. Five’s eyes were warm, kind at a level that he would show nobody else. She wrapped her legs around his waist, reaching for a condom while he pulled off his belt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vanya?” He studied her face, shrugging off his shirt and pushing down his trousers. She rolled on the condom, raising her brows for him to continue. “If you… If you want to talk to me through Klaus… If it would help you, I wouldn’t mind.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Really?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nodded, jaw clenching. “Listen, I don’t want you to not live your life, but I… understand. Just promise me that you’ll try to live a somewhat normal life.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I will,” Vanya promised. Her stomach dropped as she thought of how he’d see her when she was grieving, and she vowed to herself that she would do whatever she could to uphold it. As he pushed inside of her, she added, “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t respond, pressing his lips to hers, reaching down to touch her, thumbing at her clit. She jerked her hips up, wanting to be closer despite it being impossible. His tongue slipped into her mouth, and she whimpered, nails digging into his back and drawing blood. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you, V,” Five told her, moving to kiss at her jaw instead. As the dread started to reach her, started creeping into her thoughts, she forced herself to remember that she’d only get this a little bit longer, that she had to be happy now. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>2009</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She’d come to him after not speaking to him a while. When he had told her he was going to MIT, and he was effectively leaving her behind. She had reacted by speaking to him as little as possible, pushing him away in turn. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So, when she had knocked on the door of his apartment, opening it and staring down at her in stunned silence. She had known that the connection he’d experienced would make him want her close, that he would feel a pull to her that he wouldn’t ever be able to describe unless she told him. He would have felt an ache in her ignoring him, and he would have felt compelled to listen to whatever she said then. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanya didn’t want to say anything, though. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her arms wrapped around his shoulders, and he followed her lead. She backed him to the couch in his small living area, crawling on top of him and ripping off his belt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was when they had exhausted themselves, when she thought he’d fallen asleep, that she finally let herself cry. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Again, I’m so sorry I took so long to update, but thank you all for waiting patiently. I’ll try to update soon!!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. And I’m on my knees, looking for the answer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I had an original outline for this thing that kept it completely within Vanya’s POV. However, as I have neglected the outline enough at this point that I’ve only got vague ideas of what I want to happen, I decided to make the following six chapters have Five’s POV (so chapter 10-15 will be his POV.) I think that this will honestly help me write the story faster as well, too, just because staying in Vanya’s POV this entire time has been a little rough for me to write. Hopefully, you guys will not mind this change! It will not affect the story’s plot at all. </p><p>Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this new chapter. We are officially at the half-way point, and I’m very thankful for it as this one has given me quite a bit of trouble.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>2019</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was an odd thing, knowing that he could die any day. When he had been younger, it had been easier, knowing he still had a good ten years, then a good five years. He could effectively push it away, tell himself that maybe he would be different; he had the ability to manipulate time, not many others did. Eventually, he had resigned himself to the fact that it would happen. There </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>an infinitesimally small, miniscule chance that he would be able to prevent his death for a little longer, but, if he were to delay it, all it may end up doing is losing time he could have spent with Vanya. And for a little bit, when she had hoped again, he had hoped too. But he knew what happened to people who tried to delay the inevitable, and he didn’t want Vanya to go through the emotional toll it would take on her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There were many moments in his life where he wanted to tell her that he knew. When he was much younger, he had worried she would think him somewhat presumptuous, assuming that she was his soulmate just because he was her friend. He had always had evidence that pointed to it, and, for a while, he begrudged her for it. However, he also knew from Allison and Klaus both that there was a pretty extreme emotional toll for the person who knew how their soulmate would die. Allison had told Luther before she left, and Five sometimes wondered if she had rumored him to not follow her along. Klaus willingly lived on the streets sometimes instead of living with Ben, who was perfectly aware of their bond, who would certainly be happy to help him. Ben even wanted a relationship with him, regularly told Five about it, and Five always wanted to snap at Klaus when it was him instead helping him. He didn’t, knowing Ben wouldn’t have if it were Vanya that came to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luther would be older than Five when he died. Ben could die before him or after him. Five wasn’t even sure if Diego </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>a soulmate, and, even if he did, there were many instances when people were left in the dark. Five did not mind that Vanya had tried to do so, at one point, when he saw how happy the soulmates he passed by were. He always felt bitter, seeing them. They likely wouldn’t lose one another young, would likely have a long, fulfilling life, one that the universe had decided Vanya and Five did not deserve.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He got it, even, why the others did not choose to tell one another. He was the only one of them to know all of their secrets, yet Vanya had struggled to tell him for almost all her life something major. She was his best friend before anything else, and he wished desperately that she had been able to be completely honest with him. Even then, Five was capable of getting upset with Vanya, but it was hard to truly </span>
  <em>
    <span>resent her. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Even in the instances when he did, he still felt drawn to her, felt a pull like an invisible string, guiding him to her. If he really wanted to, he could probably close his eyes and find her anywhere blindly, especially given his power. So, in having a bond with Vanya, it was harder to resent her. It had been much easier sometimes to resent the others, for doing exactly what she had done, in keeping him at arms-length. The universe never prevented him from being mad at them, and it made it easier, really, to be mad at </span>
  <em>
    <span>something. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five could </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel</span>
  </em>
  <span> it, could feel the universe preparing to take him out. It would be a bullet, he knew. Hopefully, it will be a quick death. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He knew it was coming soon, and there was a lot that he wanted to be done before he would be dead. The first thing he wanted done though, was for his family to get their shit together. </span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His apartment felt crowded for the first time since he had lived in it, and he crossed his arms over his chest, claustrophobic. Ben and Vanya were hugging in the corner, and he felt that tug from the bond, one that he sometimes wondered was something Vanya did when she was anxious. He hadn’t ever been able to ask her, considering the fact that for many years she had not known that he was aware of their bond. He could ask her now, he supposed, but he also didn’t want to disturb her. He was pretty sure that it could also just be his own anxiety, anxiety that would go away a lot more quickly in her presence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luther stood next to him, staring at Allison like she was the sun and he wanted to burn. Five cleared his throat, shoving his hands into his pockets. Everyone glanced up at him as he did. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And, well, they were all here, to varying degrees of annoyance for being, as they put it, </span>
  <em>
    <span>summoned. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Diego and Allison were outright frosty. Klaus looked bored, already knowing where this was going, but he kept glancing over at Ben anxiously. Luther looked more confused than anything, though Five was sure he was happy to see all of them together, the leader instinct still instilled in him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Might as well rip off the band-aid. Clearing his throat again beforehand, he announced, “I’m about to die.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Chaos. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He </span>
  <em>
    <span>probably</span>
  </em>
  <span> should have expected it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luther was panicking, trying to assess him like he was physically injured. Klaus was avoiding looking at Ben, who was hyperventilating and clutching his stomach. Diego started </span>
  <em>
    <span>crying, </span>
  </em>
  <span>which made Five shift uncomfortably. Allison was listing off experimental cancer treatments that Five was almost positive were plot points on her most recent stint on </span>
  <em>
    <span>Grey’s Anatomy. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Vanya, having known this information for quite a while, rushed to his side, gripping his hand and smiling up at him encouragingly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He took the comfort of having her near, and continued speaking, “I am not certain when it will happen completely, but I know that there are a few things I want to happen before I die. Vanya and I will be getting married-“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Six voices in unison asked, </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘what?’, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and Five’s ears went pink, realizing that he hadn’t really asked Vanya about that beforehand. “If you’re okay with that,” he amended quickly, speaking low enough that only she’d be able to hear. She was staring at him in complete shock, and he could feel his heart rate picking up. “We don’t have-“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She nodded quickly, and he exhaled, wishing for the life of him that the others couldn’t see the way tears had pricked at the edges of his vision. Though they probably could when he wiped them off with the back of his hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you tried-“ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five, not wanting to hear Allison recount a surgery that only Dr. Meredith Grey could perform, cut her off before she could finish her sentence, “It’s not cancer.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then, what is it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A bullet.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A few of them stared dubiously at him, trying to see the (obviously non-existent) bullet wound. Rolling his eyes, he snapped, “Obviously it’s not there yet!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How do you know you’re going to get shot?” Diego asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five’s right eye twitched. “Because Vanya told me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But Vanya is ordinary,” Luther protested. “She wouldn’t be able to see the future.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanya shifted uncomfortably, and Five stepped protectively in front of her, probably looking just a little bit threatening (if the way Ben was looking on warily was any indication.) “She knows, moron,” Five said. “Because she’s my soulmate.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben and Klaus were both aware of this information. Ben because he was the only person Five trusted to rant to when he was sober, and Klaus, apparently, who he entrusted when he wasn’t. So, when he said it, they just feigned surprise, half-heartedly saying, “what, really” because they didn’t want the others to think Five had picked favorites out of them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Diego was staring at Five like he’d grown a second head. “You mean to tell me you and Vanya hadn’t touched until just recently. How is that possible? Haven’t you guys-“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Obviously, Vanya knew and didn’t tell him,” Allison snapped, turning to them. “I’m happy you guys at least… know?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanya’s eyes filled with hope, and Five desperately hoped that they could form something akin to friendship once he was gone. He knew that Vanya and Allison had never really had a chance to develop a relationship, that Reginald quite possibly pitted Allison the most against Vanya, knowing that Allison could be appealed to with competitiveness, and pitting her against the only other girl in the house would make sense. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When did you find out?” Luther asked, looking down at Vanya in concern. “Do you know when it’ll happen?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanya glanced around at all of them, leaning imperceptibly closer to Five. “I found out when we were younger. As for, uh, when it’ll happen… I don’t know, honestly. But he looked, physically, almost exactly the same as he does now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They all assessed him, trying to suss out what he felt about it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And, truly, he had gotten used to the knowledge that he would die, that he would be young when it happened even. The only thing that still unsettled him now was the knowledge of what came after. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So, he glanced at all of them, one by one, finally landing on Vanya. “I have a dying wish,” Five said finally. “And I hope you all will respect it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>2010</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first year after the night Vanya had come to Five at MIT was bliss. He would later amount this to the fact that he didn’t quite look old enough for Vanya to worry. He knew, by that point, even understood why she would not tell him. Each time that he would pretend to doze after they tired themselves out, he would listen to her say the sweet things she only ever said when she thought he was unconscious. It was probably wrong of him to do, considering the fact that she would never say that when she thought he was awake, but he couldn’t resist listening to her say things he’d longed to hear for years. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he would fall asleep, after she had, he’d curl up to her, wrap her in his arms protectively, and sigh at the way she’d cuddle up to him in her sleep. It was only during the hours of sleep that they were this transparent, but it was also the time that they were both saddest. At the rise of the sun, they’d be happier, but they’d also both be lying to one another. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much to everyone who is following this story, and I hope you appreciated this update. I will try my hardest to keep updating, and MAYBE I can power through and get this done before Fiveya week. I’m so appreciative to all of you that are following this, considering that I usually tend to wait until fics are finished before I read them, so thank you so much to everybody who waited patiently for updates, and I hope that these past few chapters were up to your standards!!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Pay my respects to grace and virtue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A special thanks to Chevalier_Barthelemy for holding me accountable with writing!!! Also, thank you to all the discord for giving me some ideas for this fic!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>2019</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Five frowned at the four people sleeping soundly on the floor. Allison had taken the couch, which Klaus and Ben pointedly ignored with comments about how he and Vanya had sex on it regularly. When Five had raised his brows, informing him that was the case for most of the apartment, Ben had yelped from his spot on the fireplace, flinching away like there’d been a fire going and he’d been burned. This had been the case for the past six nights they’d stayed there, and he was comforted in the knowledge that, in the morning, Allison would likely wake up on Luther’s pallet and Ben and Klaus would send dopey eyes to one another. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Five?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned to Vanya, smiling as gently as he could though he knew it would be strained. “Yes, V?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we get out of here?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When all of them are in our house?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that a ‘no’?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, it’s a, ‘thank you for having brilliant ideas.’” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have another brilliant idea, actually.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what’s that, dear?” Five asked, grabbing a jacket to settle over her shoulders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we get eloped?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt like there was no way to get air to his lungs, even though realistically he wasn’t actually dying. Not yet, at least. “You want to get eloped?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would feel better not having to plan a wedding, knowing that any second-“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Horrified, realizing that it would be even more awful if she got engaged to him but was just a few months too late to ever even call herself a widow, Five said, “Okay, yes, absolutely. Vegas?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, are you going to jump there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s the fastest way, but we could drive or fly if you’d prefer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you actually jump that far?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I once went all the way to California to yell at Ben about something.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, sorry,” he mumbled sheepishly. “I got a little upset with you one day.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, Five.” She put her hands up in a gesture he realized meant that she wanted him to pick her up, and he scooped her up, kissing her when she wrapped her legs around him. “I get a little nauseous when you teleport. Will it be worse with a larger distance?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably,” he told her honestly. “You want to travel another way?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What time is it in Nevada right now?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About 7PM.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can handle a jump then,” Vanya promised. He realized it was because she was trying to piece together the vision she’d gotten as a kid with the time it was then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What time will it be? When I die?” It felt weird to ask her this, and he almost retracted the statement when her lip started wobbling and tears filled her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Morning. You die in the morning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gently kissed her, setting her on his counter, “You wanna talk about it, dear?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Marriage first.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A little startled, he laughed, pulling her back into his arms. Strings of equations filled his mind, inputting variables until he was landing several states away. He realized Vanya had her eyes tightly shut, skin tinged with sickness, and he walked her to some fancy looking garden, depositing her on a stone bench and holding back her hair while she started vomiting, rubbing her back gently. Teleporting never bothered him at this point, but she had always been sensitive to side jumping. She curled up in his lap for a few moments after before shakily asking him to find them a chapel, adding quietly, “Also, do you have any gum or anything? I don’t want to get married with bad breath.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stole some, claiming it was her ‘something borrowed’ and therefore good luck. She then asked if he had something old, new, or blue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Old, yes.” He reached in his pockets for the jewelry that he’d bought while he was still in college. Two rings and a small locket. “And then for something new and blue, we can grab something. If you’re actually serious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long did you carry those around?” Vanya asked, gaping at them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh. Ten years, give or take.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you saying when I blew you at a movie theater when we were 22 that our wedding rings were right beside my face?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not the most romantic way of putting it, but yeah. Can I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shivered as he gathered her hair to one shoulder, kissing the nape of her neck before he clasped the locket. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to give you this instead of an engagement ring, actually,” he told her, turning her around. Despite the fact that she would complain about her breath, he leaned down to kiss her. “When we were about… oh, I dunno… 14, maybe, you said that you didn’t want the person you marry to give you an engagement ring because you thought it was ‘excessive.’ I’m pretty sure you were just acting like a superior fourteen-year-old who was better than everybody else and </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘not like other girls’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>or whatever, but I promised myself you’d get a locket instead because you looked jealous when Allison got one.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Five searched around, trying to decipher where a chapel was. “Do you have any preference?” He wasn’t sure how much thought she’d put into eloping, but he didn’t precisely care if it was a spur of the moment thing. Being her soulmate, there wasn’t really any even reason </span>
  <em>
    <span>to </span>
  </em>
  <span>get married, at least legally. There were plenty of cases of soulmates that chose to just keep a platonic relationship, but soulmates oftentimes have more rights afforded to them than actual married couples. While Vanya being his wife was something he’d wanted for a very long time, there had been points in time where he was convinced she’d get together with somebody else. That her refusal to acknowledge him as her soulmate would mean he wouldn’t even be afforded the ability to see her in the hospital if she got hurt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was hard to </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> be bitter about it for many years, but he wished he had known they’d one day actually get to be together. Possibly, it would have made the years they weren’t together easier. But then, he was acting miserable now, knowing that he’d likely die within the next year. And even if he managed another five years, he’d have no chance to live a long, full life with her. Even if he knew it was impossible, he loved the thought of growing old with her. Of seeing her hair turn gray and then white, of seeing their kids and then their grandkids running around in their yard with a bunch of dogs, of seeing her willingly going to sleep beside him in the same bed for decades and getting to see her wake up and smile up at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Five realized Vanya was talking only when she asked, “Hey, you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, fine,” he said quickly, clearing his throat. “Just zoned out a sec. Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded, squeezing his arm. “There’s a chapel over there. Wanna go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The chapel was tackily decorated and had a drive-thru window and an Elvis impersonator, and Five wanted nothing more than to go. Because it meant that after, for the rest of his life, he could call her his wife, and she could call him her husband.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He squeezed her hand; they walked forward. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were married forty minutes later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Five?” Vanya asked when he found them a hotel, texting the others quickly that he and Vanya had just gotten married so they might be gone for a few days. They’d see it in the morning and undoubtedly try to call, so he turned his phone off and shoved it in his pocket. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glanced down at his wife, responding, “Yes, dear?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it supposed to feel different?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Five shrugged, “Honestly, I have no idea. Do you regret it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course not, I just… If I’m being completely honest, it feels like we’d already been married for years, just not legally.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had a point. “Well, I will say this. I enjoy that I can call you my wife.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re shockingly sentimental, and it makes me want to tell the others just a little bit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d honestly be happy if you did. You need to have friends after I’m gone, and, if it meant that you weren’t lonely, I’d be overjoyed to have you blab every detail about me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a small smile as she sat down on the plush bed. Though their wedding had cost less than a hundred dollars, he did make a point to get a nice hotel. He had technically gotten 6/7 of the days with the others done, so he could postpone the seventh. They could travel the world for a spur-of-the-moment honeymoon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I borrow your phone real quick?” Five asked, deciding that he actually very much wanted a honeymoon with her. If he didn’t notify the others, they’d assume the worst. Which was fair, considering he’d just announced to them less than a week that he was about to die. He fiddled with the phone a second after Vanya handed it to him, trying to figure out how to send a group message. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hey, it’s Five again. Feel free to leave my place. Or not, I don’t care. Vanya and I will be gone for at least a month. If you try to call us, please know that, in the likely case we’re fucking, we will not stop when you talk to us. Hopefully won’t die during this time, but, if I do, please tell Reginald to get fucked. Also, I love the five of you, and, if you don’t get your shit together, I’ll haunt you. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She read over his shoulder, brows raised. “Won’t you technically haunt Klaus regardless?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eh, the important thing is just that they get their shit together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vanya smiled, setting the phone on the nightstand before she climbed on top of him, tugging his tie to propel him forward. When she pressed her tongue into his mouth, he groaned, pulling away just a second, “I want to eat you out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t want to have sex first?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Vanya, this is the first opportunity I’ve ever had for my wife to sit on my face. I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>obviously</span>
  </em>
  <span> going to take it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She frowned at him, “You want facesitting to be our first act as a married couple?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t if I’d say </span>
  <em>
    <span>that.</span>
  </em>
  <span> I </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>finger you a little in the hotel lobby after all. And the elevator.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s just common courtesy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Precisely. A necessary thing to do when the line is taking too long.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or when people try to make conversation with you when you’re trying to get to the fifth floor to make them uncomfortable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly. Now sit on my face. As my </span>
  <em>
    <span>wife.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled, pushing him back against the pillows while he grinned up at her, euphoric. Confirming with him what to do if he needed a second to breathe, she stripped down before she set her knees on either side of his shoulders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you so much,” Five told her. “You’re the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. Well, besides your pretty little cunt, but I count that as-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shut him up, moving down without warning, which he didn’t mind at all, nose nudged at her clit as he plunged his tongue inside of her already soaked pussy. Christ, she was perfect. His nails dug into her thighs, keeping her on him as he enthusiastically lapped up the slickness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you,” she moaned above him, clutching onto the headboard as she started to fuck his face, participating as much as he was in getting her off. “Holy fuck, I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was pretty certain she could tell he was smiling, but he was also pretty certain she didn’t notice the fact that he spelled out that he loved her too with his tongue. If she was, she’d tell him that he was acting like one of the annoyingly over affectionate soulmates they’d see walking around, which he would take great offense in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe we’re married,” she gasped. “Holy fuck, Five. Oh, god, you’re my husband. Fuck. Oh god, pleasepleaseplease-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gushed out as she climaxed, and he could feel wetness seep down his cheeks. He lifted her off him, and she collapsed against the pillows. “Worked up from the elevator, sweetheart?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m pretty sure you almost came in your pants when I called you my husband, so don’t even try to act smug.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Five smirked, smugly, about to pull a condom out of his wallet when she stopped him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” He worried for a second that she was having second thoughts about eloping him less than an hour into their marriage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you not wear a condom?” Vanya asked sheepishly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nearly dropped his jaw, but he managed to keep from embarrassing himself. “You’re okay with that? Really?” It was rare they didn’t use condoms. Most of the times it had happened, it had been because they were either too horny to go and buy more when they discovered themselves lacking or because they’d fucked on a rushed decision. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But </span>
  <em>
    <span>never </span>
  </em>
  <span>had she suggested it and it be </span>
  <em>
    <span>planned.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Needless to say, he stripped down embarrassingly quick, thanking her when she opened her legs. Vanya was clearly amused at him being this excited to not use a condom, but he didn’t care, slotting himself between her thighs and lining himself up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he speared his cock inside of her, he felt like he was home. He muttered the sentiment against her shoulder, nuzzling her neck. Told her as he bottomed out that she was all he wanted, that her cunt would always be home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are </span>
  <em>
    <span>absurdly </span>
  </em>
  <span>horny,” she gasped out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me it feels good,” he pleaded against her skin, already beaded with a little sweat. “Tell me this is as good for you as it is for me. I need to know I’m not alone here-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She moaned, sinking her hand into his hair and </span>
  <em>
    <span>tugging. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“Yes, you feel so good, so-” Another mewl escaped her lips, high-pitched and frantic, and she thrust her hips up. His hips rocked forward, meeting her in the middle. “I love you. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh-”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love you too,” he mumbled, moving far enough back that they almost disconnected before roughly slamming back inside. “You feel so perfect. God, you’re so </span>
  <em>
    <span>wet.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>His wife flipped them over, and he groaned, setting his hands on her hips while she rode him, tits bouncing. Neither of them were able to speak then, lost in the feeling of their bodies against each other, of the sounds of them. Her mouth opened, eyes rolling back a little bit, and his fists clenched around her skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she tightened around him, wailing, he spilled inside of her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neither of them moved after Vanya collapsed on top of him, her sweat soaked chest heaving as her cunt still fluttered around him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Five?” Vanya mumbled, forehead pressing to his neck. The cautious tone in her voice sparked a flare of apprehension in his stomach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, V?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then she started crying. “I wasted so much time. You’re going to die soon, and I’m going to be alone. I wish I was the one who was-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Horrified, he interrupted her, “You </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>mean that. Vanya, I wouldn’t last without you. Instead of focusing on the fact that we missed out on so much, focus on the fact that at least we know you can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not able to-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” he snapped, upset with himself for raising his voice. More gently, he told her, “You’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>going </span>
  </em>
  <span>to move on. That is all I ask of you, Vanya. I think it’s a fair request. Whenever you need me, you can go to Klaus, but I don’t want you to hurt the rest of your life. Even if </span>
  <em>
    <span>we’ll </span>
  </em>
  <span>never have a long life, </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> could. And I want you to be happy for all of it. Because I can’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled away from him, crying, and the despair at seeing her so shaken made him wish, not for the first time, that they weren’t soulmates. If she had never known he would die on her one day, she wouldn’t have been so conflicted all those years, wouldn’t have pushed him away, wouldn’t have felt so much agony that she didn’t even think she could share with him, her best friend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want you to be happy. That’s all I want.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think it’s possible right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head, not accepting that. “Wait to mourn me until I’m dead, Vanya. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Please. </span>
  </em>
  <span>For me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eyes downcast, she nodded weakly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll make sure Klaus will keep conjuring me for as long as you need him to, Vanya.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to lose you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He leaned down to kiss her. “Sweetheart, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know. </span>
  </em>
  <span>If there was any way to prevent it, I would have done anything. You have to know that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blinked, brushing away tears. “Did we have our first argument as a married couple less than 24 hours in?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Fraid so. At least we had some good, wholesome face fucking first.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She rolled her eyes, but she wasn’t crying anymore. Her eyes were amused as he leaned in to kiss her again. “Pretty sure if you fuck enough it cancels the fight out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vanya snorted, “You should be a marriage counselor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or an elected official! I could make the world a hornier place, by </span>
  <em>
    <span>law.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>When she started giggling, he pressed his head between her thighs again. The laughs turned to moans quickly, and she lay her head flat against the pillows, holding him in place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was no way there </span>
  <em>
    <span>couldn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> be some bitterness for both of them, but they had only a short time left. When he was gone, she had plenty of time to be upset. And even if it hurt to know that he couldn’t truly fix that, he would make sure this time was perfect. Because they had only a little. <br/></span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>
    <span>2011</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Focusing in college his last year of undergrad was damn near impossible, and, if he wasn’t a genius, he would have failed (it might have helped that he could teleport to his classes and finish his homework in less than an hour.) As it was, he had perfect grades. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn’t matter though. All he could ever think about was Vanya. She was more or less living in his studio, practicing violin in the living room every time he came home to her. If he was more convincing when he lied to himself, he would say they were together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If that was actually the case, though, she’d tell him they were soulmates. Clearly, she didn’t want to be with him if she’d never said it to him. At least not while he was conscious. Really, he should have just confessed that he pretended to sleep to listen to her tell him all he’d dreamed of hearing since he first started to feel the tug of the bond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But something held him back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He figured it had something to do with the knowledge that she didn’t tell him for a reason. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, Five accepted that they wouldn’t acknowledge it, that they’d go on this way until she was ready to talk. Eventually, </span>
  <em>
    <span>hopefully, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she would get there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just had to wait a little bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Five loved her, and he knew that she loved him too. It wasn’t a matter of </span>
  <em>
    <span>that. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Vanya </span>
  <em>
    <span>couldn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>be with him, and it caused her such a deep despair that he couldn’t possibly ever fix. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was no reason for him to hurt her further. Causing her distress was the only thing worse in his mind than lying to her. Five didn’t like lying to his Vanya, but it was to protect her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though he supposed she felt the same way. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much for reading! Don’t know when this will update, but hopefully this chapter will be enough for a little bit haha!💕</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Send my condolences to good</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ahh!!! We are now at 60% of the way through!!! I’m so thankful for the positive response to this story, and I appreciate everybody that’s been keeping up with this story!!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>2019</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t think this counts as visiting the Eiffel Tower,” Vanya told him, tilting her head back, her hair spilling against her bare spine as she tried to look up at him. She was lying on her stomach, body angled to face the window of the hotel, where he’d made sure to get a room with a view of the Eiffel Tower, having to argue in rapid French with the concierge because ‘blinking into a random hotel room is </span>
  <em>
    <span>stealing’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>and he </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> to listen to his wife on their honeymoon, especially when this might be the only time they ever get to travel together. “Also, we can </span>
  <em>
    <span>barely </span>
  </em>
  <span>kiss in front of the Eiffel Tower in this position, which is what most couples try to do when they go to Paris.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re in this position because you said you wanted to see the Eiffel Tower, which you can. Actually, both of us can. It’s truly the beauty of doggystyle-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She groaned, hips lifting up and effectively silencing him. He cupped her ass, and she grunted, pressing her forehead back to the mattress, “I’m trying to be annoyed with the lack of romance, but I can’t bring myself to care.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He kissed her shoulder. “There’s plenty of romance. Besides, we cannot be one of those couples that actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>explores </span>
  </em>
  <span>foreign countries during their honeymoon. We don’t have enough time for that, for one thing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you implying that you want to spend the rest of your life having sex?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m pretty sure that’s a normal thing to want.” At the feeling of her clenching around him, he asked, voice much softer, “You close?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded jerkily, and he kissed her shoulder again, lightly tugging her hair before he reached between her thighs, pressing against her clit. Vanya whimpered, and he mumbled soft assurances to her as he coaxed out her orgasm, his pace quickening, chasing his own. When her body went still and she started shouting his name, he groaned, spilling inside of his wife and collapsing on top of her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Because it was the middle of the night, he knew that it was easier for her to not complain when he laid back and pulled her on top of him. When she’d told him that he was going to die in the morning, he remembered all the times she’d not wanted to spend the night, feeling the guilt that never really left clenching his chest again. He wished that he knew some way to make her pain go away, constantly feeling like he’d failed her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Have the others tried to contact you since we’ve gotten here?” Vanya asked sleepily. He checked his phone, surprised that they hadn’t. Then again, they might be more willing to give them privacy when they were busy dealing with their own shit. “Do you think they’re mad at us for leaving them behind after forcing them to come to our place?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shrugged. “I don’t really care.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want them to hate me,” she mumbled, softly enough that he would struggle to hear her if she were any further away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The sadness in her voice tugged at his heart. “I’ll apologize to them,” Five offered, not looking forward to </span>
  <em>
    <span>apologizing </span>
  </em>
  <span>to all of them but also willing to if it made her not sound like that. “And I will make sure to talk to them and everything-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t have to,” she interrupted, and he almost wished she was yelling at him. It would be a lot easier if she was pissed at him. The dejected way she spoke, like she’d lost all hope for the life that came after him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a persistent thought that he had. What would she do when he wasn’t around? He didn’t think her life revolved around him, but he also knew that, if the situation was reversed, he’d struggle to live at all. The thought of losing her, even though he </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> he would never be alive in a world that she wasn’t thanks to their bond, was enough to knock the breath from him, like any of the times he’d been punched in the gut by Luther during training as a teen. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If she ever asked him if there was anything he truly wanted from her, it would be that he wanted her to move on when he was gone. Five didn’t necessarily like the concept of her being with another person, but he also couldn’t fathom seeing her like this, especially in the case that he wasn’t even able to communicate with her. He didn’t know precisely how Klaus’s powers worked, but he knew that when he struggled with his sobriety, he couldn’t see any of the phantoms that flocked around him. It’d been why he’d started doing drugs in the first place. There was a strong possibility that he wouldn’t always be able to communicate with Klaus (or, by extension, Vanya), and the thought of watching her live any differently than she did now would be too much to bear. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Vanya, you know that I would be willing to do anything for you, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She made a soft noise, glancing up at him. “I know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They don’t hate-” Seeing her expression, he backpedaled, “I’ll make sure they’ll treat you better.” He couldn’t dismiss her, especially when she had a pretty valid concern. Sure, Five was somewhat close to all of them, but they never treated him differently than they did her. If they acted that way with him, he wouldn’t even have the urge to want to be close to them, but he knew that was something she’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>always </span>
  </em>
  <span>wanted. All her life, they’d cast her aside, and he should have been better about enforcing they had a relationship with her too much sooner. “I’m sorry. For not listening sooner.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Vanya pulled away from him, it felt like she’d ripped all of the skin from his body. “It’s not your fault they don’t want me around.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Vanya-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her eyes were starting to fill with tears. “Sorry I brought it up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, you should bring up anything that bothers you,” he told her hastily. “I wish…” He wished that this wasn’t happening to them. He wished that they weren’t soulmates, that he wouldn’t die before he could really be happy with her, that it didn’t feel like every time they had a sliver of happiness that it would go away instantaneously upon remembering those things. Sounding choked up to his own ears, he said, “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After that, they were silent for a while, holding onto one another. It wasn’t that there was really any anger or sadness propelling them from saying anything. No, it was the fact that there wasn’t anything to say just then. Nothing that they said would change the situation that they were in, and, truly, the only thing they had to assure themselves in this moment was the presence of one another. So they didn’t speak, and they held onto each other, watching the city of Paris bumbling with activity outside their window. </span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>She had a rule that they weren’t allowed to teleport to a place if they would either land or depart in daytime, claiming that if they died from his preferred means of transportation, she would find a way that she would haunt him instead. Figuring the sardonic tone was a good sign, he didn’t argue, hoping that the pain she was feeling had at least lessened by this point. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Unfortunately, this meant that they couldn’t travel through drastic distances, and, as odd of a desire as it was, he still sometimes wanted to know just how far his powers could stretch. Five had wanted to time travel at one point in his life, but he’d never been able to bring himself to do it. He was aware why; it wasn’t a huge secret. The most he ever experienced from his side of the bond was the </span>
  <em>
    <span>pull </span>
  </em>
  <span>of her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he’d been younger, he’d always wondered if it was the bond itself that made him feel tremendous pain when she was upset or hurt, and, enough research after the fact had alerted him that this was a normal thing. Some experts argued that the side of the bond Five had was the more ‘active’ one, considering the fact that Vanya wouldn’t necessarily feel the same pull to him. A lot of people would report a sudden urge to go to their soulmate, even if they were hours away, and, if they went to them, it was common for them to find them either emotionally or physically in pain. He’d gotten that urge a few times, having to squelch down the urge to go to her a few times at the few awful points in their life that she’d not wanted him around. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright,” Five told her after they’d sufficiently explored France, scanning through the list of places she’d written down, wanting to visit. “Would you prefer Italy or Greece first?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Italy, I think. If that’s alright with you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shrugged, “We’ll go to both, anyways. I’m fine with Italy. Where do you want to go roughly?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, the touristy areas?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He snorted, “Okay, sure.” Quickly, he found the latitude and longitude that would least likely impale them in Florence (getting impaled was something he often worried about with long distances, so he usually didn’t go anywhere without at </span>
  <em>
    <span>least</span>
  </em>
  <span> the fourth decimal). As he mentally calculated the formula he’d need to get them there, he gathered up all of their belongings before having her take his arm, surprising her by blinking quickly right in front of the Eiffel Tower to kiss her before he took them to Italy.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>2012</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’d been three months since he’d last spoken to her. He’d come home late one night, working as a TA for one of his professors. He’d had a long conversation with her following her standard office hours. She’d glanced down, realized the time, and told him that she had to get home to her wife. Five had blinked, not realizing that she’d known her soulmate, though he supposed it made sense that she wouldn’t talk about that to a student. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry,” he’d asked quickly. “I understand you have to go, but how did you two realize that you were…?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her eyes had filled with understanding. “I borrowed a pencil from her, in one of our grad school classes. Got the vision of her dying when we were super old, and I blurted, </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘oh, fuck, you’re my soulmate.’</span>
  </em>
  <span> Probably one of the less romantic stories, I suppose, but…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You just got together after that?” He’d never realized that there were people who didn’t feel pain from their bond. “Without any problems?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m assuming you know yours, then.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’d nodded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t give up hope, I guess? It might be easier for my wife and I, considering the fact that we know it won’t happen for many years, but I hope everything works out for you. And now I really have to go because she’ll have a panic attack if I’m too late. Have a nice night, Five!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You too,” he mumbled, getting home quickly, imagining Vanya would be roughly the same. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where were you?” Though he didn’t suppose that he’d be dead any time soon, he figured that it was still a little upsetting for her to see him come later than he’d told her he’d be there. So, the tone that she was using didn’t do anything but make him feel guilty. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, I just got busy-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You could have been </span>
  <em>
    <span>dead, </span>
  </em>
  <span>for all I knew.” She was tearing up, and Five opened his mouth, trying to explain himself but feeling like he couldn’t move his mouth, panic setting in. Then, she snapped, “I can’t do this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” He’d started walking forward, knowing what she’d meant but refusing to accept it. “Vanya-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have to leave,” she said stiffly. “Don’t try to follow me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Even though he truly wanted to, following her would only upset her further. He didn’t even think he </span>
  <em>
    <span>could </span>
  </em>
  <span>move, feeling like his body was incapable of it. When the door had slammed behind her, he’d sunk to his knees. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a persistent </span>
  <em>
    <span>tug </span>
  </em>
  <span>that he was feeling now, an urge to go to her. He’d remembered a feeling like this, one night when Reginald had backhanded her before bed. Five hadn’t known that he’d hit her, but, when he blinked to her room, feeling like he would die if he didn’t get to her, he’d caught sight of the bruise on her cheek that was going through the process of crawling up to her eye immediately, snarling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Five knew that </span>
  <em>
    <span>something </span>
  </em>
  <span>was wrong, but she’d told him not to follow. Besides, it wasn’t like she would even die before him. Maybe it was just her period, which was set to happen at any moment, based on the quick mental math he did. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>him to go to her, and he had to respect that. Even if it felt like he was failing her all over again. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much for reading!!! 💕</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Give my regards to soul and romance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you to everyone for waiting patiently for this update!!! I hope that you all appreciate it, and I’ll try to get the next one out relatively soon. 💕</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> 2019 </em>
</p><p>He wasn’t sure when he fell asleep, just that when he woke up, Vanya was shaking his arm. </p><p>“Yes, dear?” Five asked, closing his eyes once he could tell that she wasn’t hurt or anything. “What’s up?”</p><p>“Are you going to sleep all day?”</p><p>“I’m tired,” he complained, pulling her back on top of him. “You’ve worn me out.”</p><p>“Or is it using your powers too much that has worn you out?” </p><p>“Eh. Dunno. Can we sleep some more?”</p><p>“Do you feel sick?”</p><p>“I’m not gonna die from teleporting too much, V. You of all people should know this.”</p><p>She whimpered a little, and he sighed, opening his eyes when he kissed her temple. “Don’t joke about dying,” she pleaded. </p><p>“Okay, sweetheart.” He tilted her chin up to him, leaning forward to kiss her quickly. “I won’t.”</p><p>“We can sleep a little longer, I suppose,” she mumbled, cuddling up to him. “If you really want to, I mean.”</p><p>“Just very tired.” She was right, that it had been the teleporting to do it. He probably should just resign himself to them both using a plane, as they were approaching the second month into their honeymoon, and he was getting weaker each time he blinked with her. It would make it easier for him to get hurt in some way, and he couldn’t fathom it if she’d blame herself for his death in any way. “We should sleep for a few more hours, and then we can do whatever you want.”</p><p>“Sure.” His eyes opened again, sensing that she had something else to say. “Do you think we can start taking planes instead? Please?”</p><p>“Of course.” He kissed her cheek. “I’d already decided I would.”</p><p>“Five?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Does it scare you too?”</p><p>She didn’t have to elaborate on what she’s asking; Five already knew. </p><p>“I can be brave if you are,” he told her, even though his voice was shaking. Long ago, he’d realized that it was more painful to think of her suffering than it was to think of his passing. “So… Can you be brave for me, Sev?”</p><p>He felt a tug at the bond, one that he felt much more rarely than the ones that caused him pain, alerting him to the fact that she was feeling something close to happiness. Most of the happiness she had, at least in regards to their relationship, was bittersweet, but he could see some hope in her eyes. Maybe it was just that she was trying her best to be hopeful for him, aware that he’d break completely if she did. “Yeah, Five, I can do that.”</p><hr/><p>A few hours later, he woke up, noticing that she was awake, too, staring down at him. </p><p>“You’re making me anxious,” Five commented, settling his hand on her waist. “Why are you staring at me like that?”</p><p>“Did you mean it? When you said that <em> I </em>was the reason you were worn out?”</p><p>Five laughed. “No. I didn’t mean it.”</p><p>“So… it’s still safe for us to…” She gestured vaguely to his nude body. “You won’t get sick, right?”</p><p>“Are you convinced you’ll somehow fuck me to death?” Five flipped them over. “Because if that’s <em> not </em>how I die, was my life even worth it?”</p><p>He was a little stunned when she started giggling. </p><p>Glancing down at himself self-consciously, he asked, “Is there something wrong?”</p><p>“No, it’s just…” She wrapped her arms around his torso. “I think… That I’m...”</p><p>“What?” He searched her gaze, trying to find any sense of conflict across her features, but he couldn’t. She just looked… happy. “Vanya?”</p><p>“Do you promise to not freak out if I tell you?”</p><p>“Yes, but if you’re…” He nearly gasped as she reached for their nightstand, catching sight of the object immediately. His voice came out as a squeak, “Vanya?”</p><p>“You promised you wouldn’t freak out.” She handed him the pregnancy test. </p><p>“How are you <em> not </em> freaking out?”</p><p>“I thought you’d be happy…” She glanced away. “I mean, the timing isn’t… ideal. By any means at all. It’s just that…”</p><p>“Our child is going to grow up without a father,” Five whispered, pulling away from her and feeling awful for it, especially when he could feel the pain she was experiencing through the bond. “How is that something I would be <em> happy </em>for? How could you expect me to be…”</p><p>His voice broke, and Vanya winced. </p><p>“I’m sorry that I’m not…” He started crying, all at once realizing the realities of dying and setting his head into his hands. “I’m <em> sorry.” </em></p><p>“Well, <em> I’m </em> not.” Confused, he glanced up at her, still crying but trying his best to at least hear what she was saying. “Five, I know that… I mean, I wasn’t expecting to ever be a mother, and I wasn’t expecting you to ever be a father. However, I… I am <em> so </em> happy that we get this opportunity. Even if it’s… Five, we have a <em> chance </em> to have something that I didn’t think we’d ever have.”</p><p>“But I’m not going to be alive for it,” Five said, glancing down. “The most I’ll ever be in that child’s life is through Klaus. We don’t even know if that’s a certain thing, either. I… I will have failed that child before it’s even born.”</p><p>“Five…” </p><p>“You don’t even know that I’ll be alive when you give birth to it, Vanya.” He sighed. “Did you ever even <em> want </em>kids?”</p><p>“I had never even considered it, honestly.” She shrugged. “Not because I didn’t <em> want </em> them, but I didn’t want them with anyone but you, and I didn’t think it’d ever happen. I didn’t even think we’d ever actually be <em> together, </em>in a... more significant way than just having sex.”</p><p>Five tried to level his breathing, aware how happy she was yet unable to stop thinking of the reality of how <em> awful </em> this was. He glanced down at her abdomen, which was obviously not even showing any sign of pregnancy yet. “And you want to have <em> this </em>child? Because… I don’t want you to feel obligated to—”</p><p>“I want this child, Five.” She studied his features. “But… do you not want me—”</p><p>“I want what you want,” Five interrupted. “Please don’t think I’m pressuring you in any way whatsoever into <em> anything. </em>I’m so sorry that I acted so… callous when I found out.”</p><p>“Are you mad at me?”</p><p>“No, Vanya.” He grabbed her hands, pressing gentle kisses to each of her knuckles, glancing up at her. “I’m really not mad at you. I’m mad at myself.”</p><p>“Why would you be mad at yourself?”</p><p>“Why would I be mad at <em> you?” </em>he countered. Frowning, he added, “I’m upset that I’m going to be leaving you alone to care for a child, and I’m upset that… That I’ll never be able to truly meet them. That, by default, I’m going to be just as bad of a father as—”</p><p>“Oh my god, Five, don’t say that about yourself,” Vanya hissed, squeezing his hands. “Just because you’re going to be dead before the kid is born doesn’t mean that you’re going to be a bad father.”</p><p>When he didn’t answer, she said, more insistently, “Five, even if you won’t be able to have a single conversation with our child, I’m never going to let them think for a second that you didn’t <em> care.” </em></p><p>“You’re going to be all alone.”</p><p>“No, I’m not.” She smiled, and then Five realized <em> why </em> she was so happy, somehow managing to feel even more guilty than before, certain that the only reason that she was so happy right now was because she didn’t want to be <em> alone. </em> “Five, I finally have something that I can look forward to and be <em> excited </em>about.”</p><p>Five couldn’t meet her eyes. “Vanya, are you sure about this?”</p><p><em> “Yes, </em> I’m sure about this.” She set her hands on his cheeks, forcing him to look at her. “I need you to support me on this.”</p><p>“Of <em> course </em>I support you on this, Vanya.”</p><p>“But…?”</p><p>“But I feel like I’m <em> failing </em> you right now, and I’m failing the baby as well.”</p><p>She pressed her forehead to his own. “You’re incapable of failing me, Five, okay? I have only been able to survive… well, <em> everything </em>because of you.” </p><p>Once again, he was reminded of all the time they’d lost, how he’d thought he’d failed her for years, simply because he would leave her alone. </p><p>He couldn’t worry about that now, though. His soulmate, his <em> wife, </em>was pregnant with his child, and she needed him. </p><p>“You’re really happy?” Five mumbled, mainly because he needed to be certain that this was going to make her happy.  </p><p>“Yes. I am.”</p><p>”Then I am, too.”</p><hr/><p>
  <em> 2013 </em>
</p><p>“Don’t talk,” she muttered against his lips, shrugging off her shirt. They were 24 years old; it was their birthday. “I don’t want to… I don’t want to talk about it.”</p><p>“What do you want this to mean, though?” Five asked her, pulling back. Though he’d love to have sex with her, it wouldn’t be worth it if she was planning to just leave as soon as they were done. Pulling away now would be much better than her ripping herself from him later. “Because… I <em> need </em>this to mean something, Vanya.”</p><p>“It means that it’s our birthday,” she grunted. “It means that I don’t want to be alone tonight. It means that I… I need you right now.”</p><p>“You’ll at least stay for the rest of the night, then,” he said, glancing up at her to show how serious he was. “Otherwise, I want you to go now.”</p><p>She blinked, looking the slightest bit stunned. After a few beats of silence, she nodded. “Yeah, I can do that.”</p><p>“Kiss me,” he breathed. “Please.”</p><p>Her lips tasted like a promise, and, even though he knew that he was reading too far into it, he knew that she’d likely break it, anyways. It was his fault, though, wasn’t it? The only reason that she didn’t want this was because he’d fail her. Even if his death wasn’t something that he could necessarily control, he’d still fail her, and that was all that mattered. </p><p>“I don’t want to lose you,” she whispered against his lips. “Don’t make me lose you, Five. Please.”</p><p>“You won’t lose me.” It was a lie, and he nearly flinched as he said it. For that reason, he didn’t promise her, even though he knew it would reassure her. Five couldn’t bear lying to her again. “I’m right here.”</p><p>“I’ll stay the night, Five, but… I can’t be with you. Not in the way that you…”</p><p>“Be with me in any way that you want, Vanya.” Five kissed her. “However you want me, I’m here for you.”</p><p>That was true. Whatever part of his soul that she wanted, it belonged to her. <em> He </em> belonged to her, and he couldn’t even bring himself to be upset about it. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading! If you’d like, please fill out <a href="https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSc8iaFKvzwkgOKxal7pZHAM3kql9zEPYRJmGwAiJj1gxuDk5w/viewform">this survey</a>, which will let me know which fics you guys would like to see updated. My goal is to post three updates to my fics a day for the rest of March and the entirety of April, so, if there are fics you guys are interested in, it would be super helpful to see your responses.💕🥰</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. They always did the best they could</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you guys for waiting patiently for an update!!! I’m going to try my best to get this done before July, as I don’t want to have spent over a year on a WIP lmao!!! I’m nearly at 75% now, so I’m hoping the last little bit will give me a lot less trouble!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>2019</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Right after Vanya told him that she was pregnant, she asked if they could take a plane home, wanting to let the others know. He was a little stunned that she wanted that, but he was grateful for her attempt to have a relationship with them, as she knew how important it was to him that she did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they got home, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>disconcerted that the others were there as soon as they stepped inside, but his wife shot him a look when he started to object.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where have you—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vanya interrupted Luther quickly, “We have to tell you guys a few things.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She glanced over to Five, brows pulling together, and he quickly explained everything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They took it about as well as Five expected, which was to say that they verbally congratulated them but very clearly judged their choices. It didn’t surprise him. If it had been anyone other than Vanya, he’d have been horrified himself. As it was, he trusted his wife to care for their child, and he trusted Klaus, too, to be sober enough for him to be a part of their life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you’re keeping it?” Allison asked, eyeing Vanya’s stomach, which looked pretty much the same as when she’d left. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His wife frowned. “I… yeah?” Crossing her arms over her chest, she looked over to Five for his help.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s Vanya’s choice,” he said easily. “And I want what makes her happy. You should, too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Allison opened her mouth, but he shook his head. Surprisingly, she listened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Five?” Though Vanya’s voice was little more than a whisper, he heard her, as she’d shifted towards him the entire time he’d been speaking, like she was seeking his comfort. “I’m going to go to bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He kissed her cheek. “Go ahead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It only took her a raise of her brows for him to get the message. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve been flying all day,” Five announced loudly. “So we’re going to bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At their obligatory feigned gags, he added, “I’ll pay for a hotel or plane tickets if you leave right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They took the deal somewhat easily, all filing out. Except for Allison. Vanya had snuck away to their room already, but he’d let the others offer their dramatic farewells, figuring he might die tomorrow and it was best not to argue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sighing, he asked, “What do you want, Allison?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You realize that this is a bad idea?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gee, thanks for your input.” He rolled his eyes. “We didn’t plan for it, Three.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t matter. She’s going to be…” Her eyes filled with tears. “You’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>seriously—”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>my choice,” he snapped. “This is what she wants, and I’m not even going to be around to…” He inhaled sharply, </span>
  <em>
    <span>hating </span>
  </em>
  <span>the guilt that was coursing through him, how on some level he understood where she was coming from. However, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>also </span>
  </em>
  <span>was going to support whatever his soulmate wanted, even if he felt awful that he was leaving her to raise a child alone. A child that he’d thought she’d never want. “I meant what I said, Allison. She wants this, and I wouldn’t deny her something she wants.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>want this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What I </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> is for you to mind your own damn business.” He usually never argued with Allison, as she’d instilled in him a healthy fear of her rumor when they were younger. This <em>wasn’t</em> her business, though, and he knew the </span>
  <em>
    <span>only </span>
  </em>
  <span>reason she was butting in was because she had so little control of her own life that she wanted to control others. “For </span>
  <em>
    <span>years </span>
  </em>
  <span>you didn’t want to be a part of Vanya’s life, and you have </span>
  <em>
    <span>no </span>
  </em>
  <span>right telling her how to live it. Maybe figure out your own problems before—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I heard a rumor that you stopped speaking until I left.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Five’s lips sealed shut, body trembling in anger as she stepped out of his apartment. He was both ashamed and surprised with himself, not having had a fit of anger like that since he was a teenager. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blinking to Vanya’s room, he sighed when he saw her expression. “How much did you hear?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She climbed off the bed, bare body bathed in moonlight as she trudged over to him, wrapping her arms around his torso, pressing her cheek to his chest. “Thank you for telling her that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not mad at me f—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I appreciate that you respect my decisions,” she interrupted. “I know it’s… Not what everyone else would do, but I’m really happy that you’re willing to support what </span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>want here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of </span>
  <em>
    <span>course</span>
  </em>
  <span> I do, V. You’re my wife.” He set his chin on top of her head, wrapping his arms around her in turn. “And I’ve always wanted what makes you happy.”</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>
    <span>2014</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Her body was coated in a layer of sweat, but he kept rutting into her, closing his eyes when she got that faraway look on her own. It was easiest to do this when he didn’t make eye contact. She’d asked for this arrangement, something that was clearly only about pleasure in her mind, and he wasn’t going to deny her anything she asked for. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Especially when he knew he’d broken her heart, many times over. She still sometimes cried after the sex, clinging to him just until he started murmuring that he was there for her. Then, she’d break away, saying that it was all a mistake, gathering her clothes and trying not to cry while she shoved them on her body. Five would sometimes beg her to stay the night, but he understood how painful it was for her. The sight of her sniffling and sending him one last look before she’d escape his house would haunt his nightmares, and he’d wake up, reaching for his soulmate and feeling his own tears well over the second that he realized she wasn’t there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a lonely existence, but it was all that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>could </span>
  </em>
  <span>give her. All that she </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> from him, at the very least. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even if it broke his heart to see her leave him behind, he knew that he was the one who would leave her behind for good, so he’d give her everything she wanted until that day came.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading! Next things I intend to update— <br/>-stay there (‘cause i’ll be coming over)<br/>-Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)<br/>-Soul Meets Body <br/>-Roses &amp; Rainstorms <br/>-creeping feet where they’ve never been before</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I will be posting updates of this one at the same time as other fics in this series. I will try to update as much as I can though!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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